To any Jurassic Park fans out there:

Hey, folks!  Do you love Jurassic Park?  Do you want to see maximum effort put into Jurassic Park 4 so that it (hopefully) won't suck like the last one?  If not, do you want the opportunity to personally thank Steven Spielberg for spearheading such a kick ass film?  Well, now you can!

Below is a link to a Facebook group where one dedicated fan is hoping to do just that.  His goal is to get enough people together with video testimonials (about 90-120 seconds in length) and put together a fan film featuring real JP fans giving their thanks to Steven Spielberg so that this will hopefully inspire him as producer to make sure that JP4 isn't completely phoned in.

This is a great goal and let's help Mr. Brent Kappel reach it.

Jurassic Park Fan Film

6 Reasons Why I'm NOT Excited For Jurassic Park 4 (Yet)

Meh.

Okay, I know there's at least a couple of you out there wondering how I felt about this news (no, the poster above is not official. It's fan-made) and I think I've kept quiet about it long enough. In case you haven't heard, Universal Studios announced on January 11th that Jurassic Park 4 was on the way with a release date of June 13, 2014. While many of my fellow JP fan friends immediately became excited with the news, I just shrugged and said, "Whatever." It's not that I wasn't happy for my fellow fans (in fact, I found their excitement quite heartwarming), it's just that the news has come just a few years too late for me and I just don't really care anymore. "How so," you say? I'll elaborate.

#1 - I'm Still Not Convinced It's Actually Happening
Is Twitter a reliable news source?  Maybe, maybe not.  Every movie news site on the internet seems to think so when it comes to the announcement of JP4 (and a few others), but we've been hearing news of JP4's supposed release since Jurassic Park III's theatrical run in 2001.  It was a fun game for the first few years, but after a while, it got tiresome and after the deaths of original author Michael Crichton and animatronic supervisor Stan Winston in 2008, even producers Frank Marshall and Kathleen Kennedy said maybe they should just leave the series alone.  At this point, I had made peace with the fact that JP3 was the last film we'd get and if Jurassic Park ever graced the big screen again, it'd either be a rerelease or a remake.  Five years later, sorry, I'm not buying this.  After all the "he-said-she-said" running around from various members of cast and crew alumni as well as going through more writers than a television series, I'm not going to be won over by a single post from a social media site that I was never fond of to begin with (not that being posted on any other social media site would've really helped at this point).

Or, as I read it: "WOLF!  WOLF!  WWOOOLLLLLF!"

#2 - I'm Not Familiar With The Current Writers' Work

Back in June, it was reported that two new writers were confirmed.  Husband and wife team Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver were taking over for Mark Protosevich, who had taken over for John Sayles in 2011, who had taken over for William Monahan in 2004 when Monahan's script involved getting out of the jungle.  Now, Rick & Amanda are most well-known for the surprisingly successful Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes, which I have not seen yet.  Supposedly it kicks ass, but I just haven't squeezed it into my schedule yet.  It's unclear whether or not they're tweaking Protosevich's script or doing something completely original, but Protosevich (who wrote the script for Thor) had been working with Spielberg closely to ensure that JP4 had a stronger story than JP3.  Sayles & Monahan, however, haven't written a script for a film I've seen yet, but that'll change when Monahan's Sin City: A Dame To Kill For comes out this year.  I want to be excited about the fact that the writers of a successful franchise reboot are possibly tweaking a story from the guy who wrote a kick ass story for Thor, but a) it's not known if they are actually tweaking it and b) I need to see Rise for myself before I can allow myself to get antsy over this news.

Stop staring, Ceasar!  I'll get to you eventually, dammit!

#3 -  The Last Movie Was Terrible

I've already expressed my distaste for the third film, so I'll keep this one short.  When JP3 was announced on Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight in summer of 2000, I immediately became excited and eagerly anticipated the film's arrival.  Back in 2001, my fifteen year old self loved it.  However, as I've grown older, my fandom for it has faded completely and I consider it the final nail in Jurassic Park's cinematic coffin, for lack of better term.  Can a new film fix it?  Maybe, maybe not.  The series has yet to put out a film that could out-do its predecessor (in my opinion), so I'm approaching this as a "fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice, shame on me" type scenario.  Maybe that's too harsh, but I'd rather not be scorned again.

Lame.

 

It's not just the films but the franchise in general that has me stepping back instead of leaping in at the Jan. 11th announcement...

#4 - Recent Expanded Universe Media Has Been Sub-par (At Best)

 I'm not going to say that the old JP comics from the 90s were perfect because they weren't, but those came out pre-IDW Publishing.  When IDW announced in 2010 that they had acquired the rights to JP, I was like, "Sweet!  New JP comics!"  Then Redemption came out, and if you've seen my YouTube channel, then you know that Redemption raped my childhood.  The next story arc, The Devils In The Desert, was better, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't truly great as a whole.  The third story arc, Dangerous Games, was so lame and boring that I didn't even BOTHER to review the entire series.  After two issues of the same mediocrity and poor artwork, I gave up on the IDW series and apparently so did they because a new IDW arc hasn't surfaced since Dangerous Games,

JP: Dangerous Games, aka Jurassic Ball Z

Okay, so the comics were a bust.  How about video games instead?  Sure, the original ones weren't perfect either, but there were still some good ones in there.  In June 2010, TellTale Games announced that an episodic game based on JP was in the works, similar to their Back To The Future game.  This idea sounded intriguing as the game would put players back on Isla Nublar during the events of the first film and would show what became of the embryos Nedry had attempted to steal.  While Jurassic Park: The Game had a really good story, the graphics were fifty-fifty and the gameplay was almost non-existent.  The game received mixed reviews but it didn't really wow anyone.  I was going to do a video review of the game, but time constraints prevented me from doing so but I did mention in the script that unless something actually worth talking about came along, I was DONE talking about Jurassic Park.  Period.

No, I haven't tried the JP Builder game for iOS devices.  The only Apple products I own are in my fridge.

#5 - Jurassic Park 4 Could Be The Start Of A New Trilogy

Does JP have enough ammunition in its guns for not just one, but three more films?  One I could see, but three?  Preposterous.  Seriously, how many more ways can you maroon a group of people on an island full of dinosaurs without it getting old?  Granted, I had mentioned earlier that William Monahan's draft involved not being in the jungle, but then again, it also involved human/frog/dog/Deinonychus hybrids bred in the Swiss Alps that ended with a blatant setup for JP5.  Do keep in mind that co-writer John Sayles also wrote the original Piranha movie, so don't be surprised that it's as daft as it is.  This script would completely piss on what made JP what it was worse than the third film did, but while Frank Marshall swears up and down that this plot idea was nothing more than a rumor, it should also be known that as far back as 2009, JP3 director Joe Johnston stated that the story for JP4 would be different than what we'd seen so far and it would mark a new trilogy.  So what is it, then?  Again, the "he-said-she-said" nonsense I had mentioned earlier.  I seriously don't think that the series has enough in it for another three movies, especially if they did decide to go in the bat-shit insane direction pitched in the original script ("Hey, let's make a Jurassic Park movie that doesn't feel like Jurassic Park!"), considering that Jurassic Park was meant to be a one-shot deal.  Instead of three new entries distancing the series from the source material even moreso, we need ONE film that would not only utilize all the materials and heart that made the first so great, but would also be a solid conclusion to the series.  I've seen the best part of my childhood dissolve into mediocrity (if not downright crap) over the last two decades, so I can comfortably say that JP needs to be put to rest and if this 4th film is actually in the works, then it may actually happen.

A piece of concept art from the insane JP4 script, which Industrial Light & Magic proved (thankfully) that it wasn't their work.

#6 - We Have Very Little To Go On Right Now

Okay, let's give the benefit of the doubt.  Let's say JP4 actually is happening...what do we know for certain?  Rick & Amanda are writing it, Spielberg will produce but not direct, Joe Johnston's not involved, it's being shot and released in 3D and it's slated for a June 2014 release.  That's it.  Who'll star?  Who'll direct?  Are we getting the animatronics back or is it going completely digital?  What's the story?  Is seventeen months enough time to churn out a big budget creature feature?  This is the biggest reason why I'm refraining from getting excited about this movie: there's too many unknowns at this point.  All we really have to get excited for is the idea of a new JP film, nothing more, nothing less.  As I stated before, if this news of "confirmation" had been released a few years ago, I'd be all over it like white on rice but it didn't.  Forgive me, but it's going to take more than a few words on Twitter (Tweet source be damned) for me to believe this is happening, much less get excited for it.  Of course, I'm not ignoring the fact that JP4 is slated for release a good seventeen months from now so it's not like Universal would give up any goods this early but the pot does need some sweetening before I get giddy about a new JP film.  Show me official concept art, cast and crew announcements, plot details (no saurian/canine crosses, please), things like that, then we'll talk.  Until such a day, I don't really care enough about Jurassic Park 4 to say anything much else than, "This is why I don't really care about Jurassic Park 4."

I'm really not trying to rain on anyone's parade with this post, but if any of you care enough to wonder why I've been quiet on the subject...

-The Cynic

Quick Blurb Review: Wreck-It Ralph

Okay, this was originally supposed to be a Vlog, but my son and better half are sleeping and I am currently without sufficient recording room, so here we are.  Over the weekend while Scholar was doing stuff with her bridal party in Brandon, I called up my brother and we took my son to the theatre for the first time.  I wanted something that he'd sit through but at the same time was something that my brother and I wouldn't mind or even looked forward to sitting through, so we decided to check out Wreck-It Ralph, the third and final film that was on my "Must See In Theatres" list.

Ralph (John C. Reilly) converses with Vanellope (Sarah Silverman).

The plot of Wreck-It Ralph is almost like Toy Story with video games: Ralph, the villain in the game "Fix-It Felix Jr.", has been doing the same thing for 30 years: wrecking the building while Felix (Jack McBrayer) repairs it before Ralph destroys it completely (like a cross between Donkey Kong & Rampage).  However, Ralph is considered by the tenants of the building to be "just the bad guy" and treat him like dirt at every opportunity, even snubbing him an invite to a party celebrating the game's 30th anniversary.  After attending a Bad Guy Group Therapy session with the likes of Kano (Mortal Kombat), Zangief & M. Bison (Street Fighter), Dr. Eggman (Sonic The Hedgehog) and other recognizable video game villains, Ralph decides that he doesn't want to be the bad guy anymore and sets out to find the game where he can be a hero.  However, by doing so, he puts not only his game but potentially every other game in the arcade at risk.

If Sgt. Marcus Fenix (Gears Of War) and female Commander Sheppard (Mass Effect) had a kid together, it'd be Sgt. Tamora Jean Calhoun (Jane Lynch).

Hm, how can I put this delicately...I loved this movie!  I tried not to let myself get too excited about Wreck-It Ralph because it is a Disney movie and sometimes their formula can become stale and tiresome.  Not that I don't like Disney movies, it's just some work better than others.  Ralph is one that works, both as a fan of Disney films and as someone who grew up with video games.  As a movie, the film looks great both with the animation and the worlds within it.  When you step into Game Central Station for the first time (which to us is just the power bar connecting all the arcade machines together), you get taken aback and you say to yourself, "Wow."  The detail in the game Sugar Rush was very well done with the world (and most of its inhabitants) being made of candy while Hero's Duty looked like what I imagine a cross of Halo and Starcraft would be.  These are the only two other games created for the movie that Ralph ventures into outside of his own (Sugar Rush being the primary location), which is kind of unfortunate because it would've been cool to see Ralph jump into additional well-known games other than the Group Therapy session in Pac-Man and Root Beer Tapper, but when the events unfold within the games, you have so much fun with it that it doesn't matter.

I'd be lying if I didn't say half the fun of this movie was looking for the iconic characters placed within the crowd.

As a retro gamer, the movie is full of nods to classic titles, which made a good chunk of the film a huge nostalgia trip for my brother and I (Konami code FTW!) which was worth admission alone.  Thankfully, Wreck-It Ralph was more than that as it had a lot of heart to it.  There's some scenes in Sugar Rush that really tugs at you involving Ralph and Vanellope that really make you feel for the characters, which is good otherwise this movie would've been an hour and forty minutes of gaming references.  Without going into too much detail, there's one part that'll widen your eyes a bit when Ralph plays a move (forgive the pun) that he knows that he's not going to walk away from and you'll be thinking to yourself, "Wow...Ralph's gonna die."  Granted, this scene isn't as intense as the incinerator scene from Toy Story 3, but when it still makes you have that sort of reaction, then you know you've got a good one on your hands.

I wonder if someone will actually make this game and put it on xBox Live (if it hasn't been done already).  I'd buy it in a heartbeat.

Alright, I think I've said all I wanted to say about this movie.  I didn't really talk about the cast because I don't have a whole lot of experience with the four main actors outside of this movie (I think the last John C. Reilly movie I watched was Gangs Of New York), so now whenever I see anything with them in it, I'm going to know them as these characters.  So, in closing, as a Disney and retro game fan, I had an absolute blast with Wreck-It Ralph and I highly recommend it to everyone.  I tried my best to avoid spoilers in this review because I really do want you to see it for yourself.  If you haven't yet, go check it out.

-The Cynic

P.S. This movie has a somewhat sappy but very heartwarming ending that makes a sequel seem almost...unnecessary.  Would I say no to a sequel, though?  Not likely.

My Heartfelt Plea Regarding World War Z

Just something I wanted to share with you guys, from the bottom of my heart.  This is a video depicting my thoughts on the upcoming World War Z movie.

Quick Blurb Review: Prometheus

Um, yeah...so I'm restarting this review because there's no way I can talk about Prometheus and do it justice without giving stuff away, so...SPOILERS!

As I'm writing this review, I'm supposed to be getting ready to go for my second coffee break at work.  Alas, Mother Nature had other plans involving anywhere from 30-50 cm of snow over the course of today.  My in-laws were snowed in, so I didn't have anyone to take care of my boy while we're at work and the highways are just garbage, so I stayed home.  Let's make the most of this, so let's discuss Prometheus.

Pictured above: The view from my living room window.

Prometheus follows the story of an archeologist couple in 2089 as they discover ancient artwork all over the world showing humans worshiping larger humanoids pointing to a particular star formation.  The woman archeologist believes that these larger humanoids, dubbed "Engineers," may have created humanity, so a crew is assembled on the ship Prometheus as they map out the star formation and discover their destination is the formation's moon, LV-223.  As they land and explore a nearby cavern, they find clues that something disastrous happened there and that the answers they seek may carry a heavier price than they are willing to pay.

The fantastic Michael Fassbender as the android David.

Okay, I just wanna make one thing clear before I proceed: I liked Prometheus.  Didn't love it, but I liked it.  The performance by Fassbender is probably the best part of the film and I did enjoy some of the creature effects and "scary" moments of the film, but there were a lot of parts to the film that felt bizarre to me.  Not bizarre in that I didn't understand what was happening, but bizarre in the sense that it felt like two movies that many say shouldn't be in the same room as each other.  Prometheus had the overall look and feel of Ridley Scott's original Alien film (which this movie is a distant prequel to) with the dimly lit corridors, the space suits, the stasis pods, etc but it had the updated special effects, archaeological angle and red-shirts that Paul W.S. Anderson's Alien vs Predator film had.  This is one of the most unusual mixes of film elements I had seen in a while and it was actually a little distracting to me for a minute.  I would go into talking about the cast & performances that I usually do, but the only one that really wowed me here was Fassbender.  It's amazing how well he can squeeze into roles and even if he turns out to be Peter Weyland's (Guy Pearce) monotone, back-stabbing saboteur of a puppet, we still love him.  The rest of the cast were not terribly memorable to me, whether it's just in comparison to Fassbender or in general is up to debate, and I felt that their characters were not fully developed enough for me to feel for them when they started getting killed.  It was just like they were there to give exposition, sleep with each other and throw themselves into the body count without our concern...not exactly the best thing to do if you're trying to do a character driven story.

Here's the short version of Charlize Theron & Idris Elba's coversation prior to their hookup:

Elba: Hey, are you a robot?

Theron: OH DO ME!!!!

Congrats on that working, though.

Okay, now here's where we get to the spoilers of the film.  I mentioned that this film is a prequel set in the Alien universe.  It turns out that the Engineers DID create humanity and they've also created this primordial ooze that they intended as biological weapons of mass destruction to use on us, as the ooze can mutate humans if they ingest it into zombie-esque creatures (why zombies and not the original design?) and the usual creatures the ooze creates bleed acid and breed by implanting embryos into other hosts (hint hint).  The Engineers also turn out to be the Space Jockeys, as the caverns the humans are exploring turns out to be one of the Jockeys' ships and you see one of them in the full helmet sitting in the gun, just like the one found in Alien.

Oh, and this guy shows up at the end, too.

For anyone wondering, Prometheus doesn't take place on the same planet as Alien and Idris Elba's character figures that LV-223 was a military or research outpost where the Jockeys experimented with this ooze and got the better of them.  So this coupled with the fact that there are two survivors at the end of this film leaves it open for a sequel that will hopefully answer some questions left by the film and, according to Ridley Scott, will bridge Prometheus closer to Alien.  Honestly, I think that's where half the fun of Prometheus lies: discussing the questions the film leaves.

Such as, "U mad, bro?"

I could go on about said questions, but I think I've chipped at this review long enough.  I don't think you necessarily need to see Alien before watching this one, although it doesn't hurt.  Ordinarily a film that leaves more questions than answers would be frustrating, but I'm making an exception here.  If you're looking for a movie to sit down and discuss with your sci-fi geek friends, Prometheus is for you.  If you're looking for sci-fi horror on the same level as Alien, you won't find it here, but should be able to still salvage some enjoyment from the movie.

-The Cynic

Quick Blurb Review: Men In Black III

Okay, giving Movie Maker a break so I can write this one.  Men In Black is one of those movies that just takes me back and it seemed to have just the right balance of everything.  The humor was great, the performances were spot on, the effects were impressive and it didn't overstay its welcome (by the time the final climax rolls around, it only feels like you're 45 minutes in).  All in all, Men In Black kicked ass and had it not come out the same year as The Lost World: Jurassic Park, it probably would've been my favorite movie of 1997.  Five years later and we get the sequel, Men In Black II, which was a total mess.  The effects were sub-par, the humor was obnoxious if not non-existant and when Rosario freakin' Dawson can't save your movie in my eyes, you know you're doing something wrong!  Suffice to say, when Men In Black III was announced, I was fairly indifferent about it.  Sure, I'd watch it, but after Men In Black II, there was NO WAY I was seeing this one in theatres.  No siree.

Josh Brolin as Young Agent K.  One of the more entertaining bits about the movie.

Well, a friend of ours loaned us an advance copy of this movie so we could watch it in the comfort of our own home without paying for it.  So how was it?  Well, I want to get the most blatant thing out of the way: Men In Black III was better than Men In Black II.  I understand that achieving that particular feat may not be that hard but at least I can rest easy knowing that I've told you people that.  The story of Men In Black III follows the miraculously aging-resistant Agents K (Tommy Lee Jones) and J (Will Smith) as they find out that an alien super criminal named Boris The Animal (Tim Cur-uh, I mean Jermaine Clement...yeah, the guy with glasses from Flight Of The Concords) has escaped from the lunar prison designed specifically for him.  K admits that he should've killed Boris when he had the chance.  When J tries to question further into the story, K suspends him to...I dunno.  When J goes to talk to him the next day, he finds that K's apartment is occupied by a single mother of three.  Also, J has an oddly spontaneous craving for chocolate milk.  When J begins asking around, he's told that K has been dead for 40 years and that Earth will soon be under invasion by Boris' race, whom J read the night before that they were extinct.  J tracks down a tech guy who sold Boris a time-traveling device the other night and is given the same thing, just as Boris' race arrives and begins laying waste to the major cities of the world (very Mass Effect 3-y).  J jumps back in time to the day before Agent K (now Josh Brolin) was killed.  Despite the fact that the tech guy said that J has to stay away from K, they end up working together to stop not one, but two Boris' from destroying the world.

"Hey, it's Tim Curry!  This movie was already worth-what?  What do you mean?  Get outta here, that's totally Tim Curry...isn't it?  It ISN'T?!"

Alright, so the plot sounds like the episode of the animated series "The Head Trip Syndrome," where J tinkers with alien technology and becomes immune to the changes of the space-time continuim around him.  That's okay, because the animated series was great and having a time travel theme is somewhat fan servicing of itself.  There's definitely good things about MIB3, no doubt.  Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith fit perfectly back into their roles that they haven't touched in 10 years and as I mentioned earlier, haven't aged a day since the last movie.  Jermaine Clement hides himself so well that I was 100% convinced that it was actually Tim Curry playing Boris.  I don't know if it was some kind of electronic effect or if he was able to do that himself with his voice, but rest assured if Tim Curry ever dies, Jermaine Clement can fill in for him because he sounded and acted just like him in this movie.  The same can be said for Josh Brolin as a younger Tommy Lee Jones, spot on impression and very entertaining all around.  Sadly, there's no Agent Z (Rip Torn) or Frank The Pug in this movie, although in MIB2, Frank kinda overstayed his welcome, much like The Worm Guys.

"Okay, there's been too many mentions of the previous film in this review, so if everyone can please focus your attention here..."

Oooo, shiny.  Anyway, MIB3 turned out to be that break in my string of films watched as of late where I watched a movie that I didn't REALLY like.  Don't get me wrong, MIB3 was enjoyable but overall it ranks as a mere "okay."  The first little bit of the film did feel too much like...like...it's like its been wiped from my mind, but you guys probably know what I mean, although it wasn't nearly as obnoxious this time around.  When the film introduces this prophet-esque character Griffin that can see multiple universes at the same time, I had a hard time following his babbling, leading me to wonder what universe we were actually in.  The past bits were more entertaining than the present ones, but this movie still didn't capture the entertainment value of the first one and with the wideish time window between films, I can't help but wonder if this movie was made more as a cash grab and less of a "hey, you know what the public wants?  Another Men In Black movie."  I'm honestly glad I didn't see this one in the theatre because I'm not convinced it would've been worth the trip.  If you're feeling ambitious, check it out.  If not, stick with the first Men In Black film because you're not missing anything extravagant.

Oh, and THIS prick does the Men In Black III theme song instead of Will Smith.  Yeah, friggin' criminal.

One last thing I wanna point out is the involvement of 3D.  My feelings on 3D have been expressed time and time again and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I've gotta mention it here.  Men In Black III was clearly filmed for 3D instead of being converted in post production and that really hurts the movie special effects wise when you watch it in 2D.  The worst ones are during the climax of the film during the shuttle launch and it's hard to immerse yourself in the movie when everything around the actors looks like a really bad green screen effect.  It boggles me that with the special effects technology available today that we can raise the Titanic (only to sink it again), have shapeshifting cybernetic lifeforms change their looks right before your eyes, bring the damn dinosaurs back to life and create worlds we never even knew existed (as a start), yet we can't polish shots of a movie from 3D to 2D to make them more convincing?  I sincerely hope that someone in the effects business is working on this because if most, possibly all, genre movies are going to be made with 3D in their future, then the conversion process REALLY needs work because not everyone is going to see a made-for-3D movie in that format.  Shouldn't a film look just as good at home as it did in the theatre?  If this issue isn't addressed, then I see a future where films with very bleak special effects crowd our DVD shelves because someone couldn't be bothered to make sure that a film looked impressive and fluent in all available formats instead of focusing on just the one.  That'd be a damn shame and you know it.

-The Cynic

Top 15 Songs That Take Me Back (And Make Me Feel Old)

Look, I apologize for not filming tonight but sometimes things just don't go as planned. The Halloween special will be completed and ready for view by Wednesday, October 31st. I am not entirely without creativity right now though, and this particular post is an idea that I've had for some time.

For as long as I've been a fan of movies, I've also been a fan of music, perhaps even longer because you hear music before you see movies growing up...or at least, I did. Anyway, sometimes songs come along that really cements that particular time frame in your mind and then when you hear it again years later, you think to yourself, "Wow, this song takes me back..." and then you realize said song is being played on some retrospective music special and then you go, "Damn, this song makes me feel old..." Here are my personal Top 15 Songs That Take Me Back (And Make Me Feel Old). I'm going to leave out some of the more obvious ones that would (potentially) be on a lot of other lists and try to make this one unique.  Was gonna make this list 13 originally, but much like my Guitar Hero blog, more entries kept coming up as I was thinking of them, but I'm gonna cut it off at 15.

#15 - "Summertime In The Void" by I Mother Earth (1998)

Okay, I won't lie, I haven't heard this song in, like, 12 years.  Gimme 5:17.  *5:17 later* Okay, that's better.  Um, truth be told, this song ain't nearly as good as I remember it being back in 98.  Probably why it didn't pop into my head until I thought of this list and why it's on the bottom.  Next.

#14 - "Blown Wide Open" by Big Wreck (1998)

Yeah, the same guys who did "That Song."  Seriously, that's the name of the tune.  It also occurs to me that, for reasons unbeknownst to me, a lot of these songs are probably going to be from around 1998.  I'm not entirely sure why this is.  It's not like 1998 stood out to me as an absolutely stellar year or anything.  I mean, I was finishing Grade 6, I listened to a bit of everything & Roland Emmerich's Godzilla had come out.  Fuck-a-doodle doo, right?  Anyway, "Blown Wide Open" was one of the big songs from that year (as a Canadian radio listener, anyway) and it has a very small piece of nostalgia in my heart.  Has aged better than "Summertime In The Void", but it's not really my kind of rock anymore.  Still better than Ian Thornley's solo stuff.

#13 - "Why" by Wide Mouth Mason (1999)

So I can't find the official video, but oh well.  Wide Mouth Mason's "Why" was sort of a pump-up song for me back in 1999 (sad, right?) and looking back on this song 13 years later, I kinda like the slightly jazzy, Zoot Suit swinger feeling of the guitar riffs now.  Makes me wanna don a Fedora and striped suit to chat with The Rat Pack or something.  Again, not really my kind of rock anymore, but still catchy.  "Sugarcane" is the better song, but "Why" holds more nostalgia.

#12 - "Terrible" by Insane Clown Posse (1999)

Yeah, I used to listen to Insane Clown Posse, what of it?  I never considered myself a "juggalo" by any means, but y'know what?  As a socially frustrated teenager with some dangerously dark thoughts running through his head in 1999, ICP had their use and place and this one was my favorite.  Listening to this song again as a more analytical adult, I still dig the guitar riffs and the whole message that society and news groups do not have their priorities in order and focus on trivial things instead of the real issues ("bombs are blowing and the cops are corrupt, but all you care about is who the President fucked?!" as an example) really isn't that far off, even all the way back in 1999.  I haven't followed them in well over a decade, but I'm sure Violent J & Shaggy 2 Dope are having a field day with the world of news media today.

#11 - "Brackish" by Kittie (1999)

1999 was the year of the infamous Woodstock 99, which got me thoroughly acquainted with the wonderful genre of music called "metal" (my 13th birthday was the same day as the Limp Bizkit/Rage Against The Machine/Metallica riots).  It was also around this time that girls became more...ahem, interesting, if you will, to me.  So when you have a ravenously horny, freshly crowned metal-head Canadian watching a music video of an all-female Canadian metal band...I don't know how to end this sentence appropriately, so I'm sure you can put two and two together here.  Besides, just so I don't end this entry sounding like a gross pig, I'd like to point out that this song is still Kittie's best (IMO, I haven't followed them for about 10 years) and holds up fairly well.  As an adult, I can respect a band who skipped their final exams of high school to tour Ozzfest 2000, featuring one of the best lineups in the festival's history.

#10 - "Independence Day" by Martina McBride (1992)

As I mentioned in my Top 7 Guilty Pleasures In Music entries, I used to be a country fan when I was younger.  However, the official video of this song has been blocked in my home country.  Fine, I can deal with that.  Upon hearing it again, is it bad that...I still kinda like this song?  When I was 6, I just loved Martina's voice and that more or less sold me on this song, not taking the lyrics into consideration (I was 6, who had time for that?).  Listening to the lyrics as an adult, I'm like, "Holy crap, my parents let me sing along to this?"  For those who don't know, the song is about the perspective of a little girl who's mother is tired of the father abusing the child, so to get even, she sends the kid off to the fair and burns the house down.  That's...wow, I didn't realize for all these years that this song was as dark as it was. Well played.

#9 - "Hello Time Bomb" by Matthew Good Band (1999)

Ah, the days where Matthew Good actually had some beat to his music, prior to the days where began singing about how he was the embodiment of panes of glass.  "Hello Time Bomb" takes me back to a specific place, a sock-hop at my school where my buddies and I tried to start a mosh pit to this song (again, sad, right?).  Suffice to say, the teachers separated us all and the song was changed.  Hm, and people wondered why I didn't like going to the dances.

#8 - "You Don't Know What It's Like" by Econoline Crush (2000)

I rediscovered this song the other day and immediately put it on my phone, which is also my car stereo.  Anyway, I can't decide if this song falls under the hard rock or metal category as it seems to have elements of both within, but when I think back to some of Econoline Crush's other stuff, it never quite screamed "metal" to me.  Maybe that's why this one was my favorite back in the day and why it popped back into my head when I was knocking this list around.  I'm glad that I still like it as much as I did 12 years ago and wish Econoline Crush the best.

#7 - "Got The Life" by Korn (1999)

I'd be lying if I said that I was won over by this song on the first listen.  In fact, I remember hating this song when I first heard it.  Yet, much like how Slipknot did three years later with their Disasterpieces DVD, "Got The Life" got the grow on me and I remember spending many nights hanging out at a friend's house listening to the Follow The Leader album, with "Got The Life" on loop a few times.  Listening to it again, it takes me back to those fairly care-free years of biking through the field that is now a Wal-Mart parking lot and talking about how awesome of a show Korn put on at Woodstock that year and arguing over whether or not the amount of tits that are flashed to you during your set determined how well you performed (hint: it doesn't).

#6 - "Above" by Finger Eleven (Released in 1997, didn't hear until 1999)

This was my first introduction to Finger Eleven and 13 years later, I'm still a fan.  I never bothered to buy the album Tip (that this song comes from), but once their follow up The Greyest Of Blue Skies hit shelves, I was on that like flies on shit.  A lot of bands tend to fade in and out of my view over time and I find myself rediscovering old acts quite often (especially as of late), but Finger Eleven has been one band that has always been there.  Say what you will about the direction the band has taken over the years (I could honestly go the rest of my life without ever hearing "Paralyzer" again), but I still like them and I have "Above" to thank for getting me into them to start.

#5 - "Powertrip" by Monster Magnet (1998)

I remember hearing this song for the first time and being told it was on the soundtrack for the movie Soldier.  I wanted to see that movie for the very reason until one of my friends saw it and told me that he didn't actually hear the song featured in the film.  Suffice to say, my interest in the movie Soldier dropped dramatically and I stuck with rocking out to the song.  From what I hear, I made the right call.

#4 - "Du Hast" by Rammstein (1997)
 
This is the song that put Rammstein in North America's notice.  "Du Hast" is Rammstein's "Stairway To Heaven," their "Enter Sandman," their "Pour Some Sugar On Me."  If you don't follow what I'm trying to say, this is their most popular song and chances are if someone says "Du Hast" is their favorite Rammstein song, it's probably the only one they've ever heard.  This doesn't make the song any less nostalgic or enjoyable, because this is the first Rammstein song I ever heard.  I kept an eye on these guys and they just seemed to get better and better with each album.  Oh, and these guys easily put on one of the best fucking live shows I've ever seen.  It should be on everyone's bucket list to see a Rammstein concert.

#3 - "Line Up" by Aerosmith (released in 1993, heard it in 1994)

Probably my second favorite Aerosmith song, taking second place to fellow "Get A Grip" track "Eat The Rich."  I present everyone reading this blog a challenge: listen to this song without thinking of the montage from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.  Go ahead, I'll give you a minute.  You can't, can you?  That's okay, neither can I.  Hell, I like this song because of that movie.  This is a great cruising song, too.

#2 - "The Thunder Rolls" by Garth Brooks (1990)

Fuck yeah!  I've never been able to find the official video for this until now!  I've mentioned this song before on the list of Songs That Should Be Covered By Hard Rock/Metal Acts on my What Gives entry.  If you're a long-time reader of my blog, you probably already know that this is one song that my opinion of has never changed in 22 years and that a metal band could do an amazing cover of it (come on, Machine Head.  Get on that!).  It turns out Jet Black Stare (famous for doing Film Brain's Bad Movie Beatdown Theme Song) did a cover, but it doesn't compare well to the original.  However, when researching the release date of this song, I found that Tanya Tucker had originally written the song but didn't want to release it initially.  Garth picked it up and got a hit single out of it.  Tanya eventually released her version in 1995, but it doesn't hold a candle to Garth's, for his captures the tone of the conflict far better than hers or Jet Black Stare's does.

#1 - "Stereo" by The Watchmen (1998)

I got the urge to YouTube this song the other day and as soon as vocalist Daniel Greaves began singing, I just felt drenched from head to toe in nostalgia.  This song holds a very special place because I believe it's one of the first that I actually went above and beyond to memorize the lyrics for and amazingly enough, 14 years later, I still remember most of them.  And y'know what?  This is still a pretty damn awesome song.  How fitting, a song from 1998 (what was it about that year?) by a band from the capitol city of my home province takes the #1 spot and makes me feel really reminiscent and old at the same time.  How poetic.

Now, if you'll excuse me, Old Man Cynic is far overdue for his nap.  Good night, everyone!

-The Cynic