Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Quick Blurb Review: Machete

So...did anyone think Danny Trejo was underused in Predators? Show of hands? Yes, the lot of you need to go watch Machete right now. Totally makes up for it.

The plot behind Machete is that Danny Trejo plays a Mexican Federale nicknamed 'Machete' and is betrayed by his boss along with crime lord Rogelio Torrez (Steven Seagal) on a rescue mission and his wife and daughter are killed in the process. Seeking asylum in America three years later, he's forced to try and assassinate Texan Senator John McLaughlin (Robert De Niro) but, surprise, he gets betrayed by the ones who hire him and he goes after them in a bloody rampage of fury and vengeance, with the help of an Immigration Officer (Jessica Alba) and a taco truck operator (Michelle Rodriguez).

Okay, who thought betraying a guy who looks like this was a good idea?

The casting is pretty solid in this movie. Naturally, Danny Trejo dominates every scene he's in because, well, he's Danny Trejo. The lovely Michelle Rodriguez seems to have fun with her role in this film as does Don Johnson and Robert De Niro. Jessica Alba was...okay in this movie, I guess. Sure, she's not the best actress but she does her job and this by far wasn't the worst performance I've ever seen. Lindsay Lohan (who actually looks pretty good in this movie, but maybe that's because she's naked) was pretty much a cameo in this film, but I'm certainly not complaining. Top all this off with cameos from Cheech Marin and actor/special effects artist Tom Savini and you have a pretty sweet cast on your hands.

Well, I can certainly think of WORSE people to get shot by.

Aside from the great cast and hefty doses of T&A, Machete features many over-the-top kills that are really more enjoyable than the law should allow. Stabbing a guy in the neck with a thermometer and seeing his temperature rise when the house blows up, many slit throats and decapitations, using intestines as an escape rope, crushing someone with a hydraulic truck (which used the Wilhelm Scream. Awesome!), it's so much fun. Two minutes into the film, there's already enough gratuitous violence to make the new Mortal Kombat game proud.

Minigun on a bike. You're pretty much fucked now.

Machete is a good old Mexploitation film. It's not the best exploitation film I've ever seen and actually felt to me like one of the more serious ones (not that there wasn't humorous moments), but this movie was still a lot of fun. Anti-immigration propaganda, Danny Trejo being a total manwhore (Michelle Rodriguez, Lindsay Lohan & Alicia Rachel Marek AT THE SAME TIME and Jessica Alba) and complete badass and Robert De Niro in a role that you can't wait to see him get blown apart, Machete is a nice balls to wall action flick that I'd recommend to anyone who needs their fixings of gore and wanton destruction.

Also, because this commercial is awesome, Machete in claymation:

-The Cynic

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