Quick Blurb Review: The Simpsons Movie

Everyone knows who The Simpsons are. The combination of Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa & Maggie are all a fairly hefty piece of the television popular culture pie, not to mention many of the other great side characters in the show. It's really 50/50 on whether people are surprised or not that the show has become the longest American primetime entertainment series (the 23rd season starts September 2011). However, considering that the series started out as skits on The Tracy Ullman Show and became a full fledged tv show on its own in 1987, it's surprising that with the popularity the show garnered, it still took 20 years to a full feature film to be released. Another thing that surprises people who know me is that since I was such a huge Simpsons back in the day, it took me an additional four years to actually watch the movie. So, how is it? Was it worth the wait?

Fair warning: Half the town doesn't have any lines in this film.

So the plot of The Simpsons Movie is that after Grandpa Simpson has a freakout in the middle of church, Marge attempts to find out the meaning behind it, believing that Grandpa has somehow foretold Doomsday (now with less angel fossils and mall openings). Homer impulsively adopts a pig and dumps its waste into the already polluted Lake Springfield, pushing it to the point where it mutants any animal that jumps in and the Environmental Protection Agency steps in (sadly, without William Atherton) and quarantines Springfield under a giant glass dome. Once it's discovered that Homer was behind it, he and his family go on the run to avoid being lynched.

For some reason, Green Day makes a cameo in it. Don't worry, they die in the first three minutes.

If you were to ask me when the show reached its peak, I'd have to say anywhere between Seasons 7 & 9 (as you can tell from my blogs from last September of Top 15 Favorite Simpsons Episodes), so I'll come right out and say it: this movie came out far too late. Had they released a Simpsons film during Seasons 7-9, then this movie would've been absolutely hysterical. That being said, this movie is still funnier than the show is now (the last episode I tried to watch had Homer making Bart pee himself on a jumbo tron at a baseball game. Pardon the pun, but all it did was piss me off) and while it may not have been great, it was still good. Better than I figured it would be, to be honest. There's a actually a pretty heavy scene involving Marge & Homer's wedding tape that I didn't think The Simpsons had in them anymore, not to mention plenty of funny moments in here, including cameos from old characters, nods to previous episodes (wrecked ambulance by the gorge for the win!), and stuff that the show may not necessarily be able to get away with, including a satirical take on the whole "romantic Disney animal" cliche and Marge's line of, "SOMEBODY THROW THE GODDAMN BOMB!"

I got a good roar out of this part too.

However, there were downsides to this film as well. The movie starts with the town in a theatre watching an Itchy & Scratchy feature film and Homer says that everyone's a sucker for watching something they can watch on their tv for free. Another thing that bugged me was Arnold Schwarzenegger is supposed to be the President of America? Fine, but they just wound up using the Reniere Wolfcastle template for Schwarzenegger, so why not just call him President Wolfcastle? The next thing that pisses me off is how the technology has changed to show the environments in The Simpsons now. The characters are hand drawn (near as I can tell) where as the backgrounds are becoming more and more digital. I can dig the hand drawn characters over the painted backdrops, but when you put something hand drawn over something really digital, it just makes the characters look like a bad special effect and its distracting. Finally, I think the film has a bit of a slow start and nothing really starts happening until half an hour into the picture. The first bit honestly just feels like an unaired episode of the tv series that they just shoehorned into here. Some of this probably could have been trimmed down a tad.

I still want to know who at 20th Century Fox said, "You know what the public wants to see? Bart's penis." I'm not kidding.

Despite any faults the film may have, it's still much better than what's on Sunday nights now. The Simpsons Movie is a good way to kill an hour twenty minutes and will provide you with some laughs (and a faint Wilhelm scream!), provided you can stomach the digital animations sticking out like a sore thumb. If you're a die-hard old school Simpsons fan, such as I was, I'd recommend approaching this film with caution. If it pays off or even breaks even for you, then great. If not, then pop in Seasons 7-9 in your DVD player and enjoy.

-The Cynic

Top 15 Favorite Simpsons Episodes (Part 3)

Hey, everyone! Sorry that this has been put off for so long, just got a lotta shit on the go at home. Let's not delay this any further. Here are entries 5-1 on The Top 15 Favorite Simpsons Episodes!

#5 - S8xE10: The Springfield Files

I was SO pumped to see this episode. As a big fan of The X-Files at the time and a still big fan of the paranormal, this episode reeled me in with a simple commercial: Homer encounters an alien in the woods and Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully from The X-Files come to Springfield to investigate, with David Duchovny & Gillian Anderson reprising their roles as Mulder and Scully. However, what stops this episode from ranking higher is that the "alien" turns out to be a drugged up Mr. Burns. This episode also features a cameo from Leonard Nemoy, which is always awesome, but as great as the guests were, I had hoped that the "alien" was actually an alien proving otherworldly existence in the Simpsons universe in a more concrete manner than the very tongue-in-cheek Kang & Kodos, although I do love those two.

Respect.

Cynic's Funniest Moment: There's a few in here, like Scully getting Homer to run on the treadmill for no other reason other than to lose some weight, but what fucking kills me every time I see it is Mulder's ID badge. Seriously, Google it and I DARE YOU not to laugh.
On a side note, since this shows Simpsons crossing over with another FOX license, I want Matt Groening to get Joel Silver on the phone and make a full length Halloween Special of Simpsons vs Predator. Make it happen, gentlemen!

#4 - S8xE04: Burns, Baby Burns
There are two things that make this episode so much win: Rodney Dangerfield and Journey. While on a trip, a man looks into a train window to see Mr. Burns is an almost exact match to the man in the photograph he carries around. When the man tracks down Burns, he reveals himself as Larry Burns (Dangerfield), his long lost son. Friction immediately surfaces as Larry's personality clashes with Charles' that results in Larry being labeled as a disappointment. Aiming to help his new friend, Homer convinces Larry to stage a phony kidnapping to make Burns actually care more about his son. Hell somewhat breaks loose and then everything is resolved by everyone dancing in the streets to Journey's "Any Way You Want It." Whenever I hear that song or someone mentions Rodney Dangerfield, I always think back to this episode and remember the stitches it left me in.

#3 - S8xE16: Brother From Another Series
The 2nd episode with Sideshow Bob on this list and easily the best. Sideshow Bob's brother, Cecil (voiced by Fraiser co-star David Hyde Pearce) bails him out of jail and gives Bob a job working at a dam Cecil owns until it turns out Cecil is insanely jealous of Bob for being Krusty The Klown's sidekick and not Cecil, despite how hard Cecil tried to be. When Bart & Lisa sneak into the dam to see what Bob is up to, they get caught up in this family drama and the old lesson "The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Friend" rings true as Bart & Lisa end up working with Sideshow Bob to stop Cecil. This episode shows Season 8 was on a roll with some of the show's best work, 4 of the 15 on this list being from S8 and David Hyde Pearce's comedic timing confirms that in spades.
Cynic's Funniest Moment: I would say any line where DHP says anything, but I do need to be specific. After Cecil locks them in the dam and Lisa thinks that they're doomed, Bob immediately throws it back in her face with, "Oh, I see! When I come up with a brilliant scheme, you kids can't thwart my plans fast enough! But when CECIL tries to kill you, 'It's hopeless, utterly, utterly hopeless!'"

#2 - S5xE06: Marge On The Lam
After Homer royally fucks up his promise to spend more time with Marge, she ends up hanging out with her neighbor Ruth Powers. Turns out that Ruth and Marge are quite compatible with each other and Marge begins to adapt more of Ruth's wild side. Homer, feeling threatened by Marge not wanting to spend time with him, heads out and leaves the kids with lawyer Lionel Hutz (voiced by the late Phil Hartman). He hangs out with Chief Wiggum and they end up chasing Marge & Ruth because Ruth stole her ex-husband's car. When Homer sees Marge is with her, he becomes worried that Marge is leaving him and he, long story short, ends up apologizing for their whole marriage.
There are three reasons why I really liked this episode and why it ALMOST made #1:
A) This episode seemed to be rarely on, much like The Secret Wars Of Lisa Simpson. It's such a good episode that I took any chance to see it whenever it came up.
B) This episode lets Marge really get some shit between her toes instead of being the nagging voice of reason that she usually is and it would've been interesting if this kind of personality stuck around for more than this episode.
C) I LOVE the subplot of Lionel Hutz looking after the kids. Anything Phil Hartman touched on this show was comedic fucking gold.
Cynic's Funniest Moment: When Homer's arms are stuck in two vending machines and when one of the EMPs ask him if he's just holding onto the can, Homer replies, "You're point being?" We then see Homer leaving the plant embarrassed as the laughter of his co-workers follow him.

Okay, this one was really hard to choose. There's been so many great Simpsons episodes that it's really hard to choose just one as your favorite. Is it the one with Johnny Cash as the Space Coyote? Burns losing his fortune? Lisa making her own doll? The Flying Hellfish? I thought long and hard about it and upon realizing it, I felt stupider for not thinking of it sooner.

#1-S4XE12: Marge vs The Monorail
Once this occurred to me, I had an M. Bison "Of Course!" moment. It's got great writing (by Conan O'Brien), awesome guest appearances (Phil Hartman, Leonard Nemoy) and some of the most memorable Simpsons lines ever. After Mr Burns pays the city $3 Million for dumping toxic waste in a public park, the city debates what to use the money for. After plenty of good ideas and a hilarious retrospect of the state of Main Street, enter Lyle Lanley (Hartman). Lanley wins the town over with a musical number pushing his transportation method of choice, The Monorail. Marge disapproves of the idea and finds a town where the Monorail was previously built. She finds the designer and he explains that Lanley cut costs everywhere and the train failed horribly. As the Monorail begins its maiden voyage through Springfield, it immediately malfunctions and Homer, the conductor, has to find a way to shut it down before everyone on the train is killed.
I find this episode one of the most quotable of the series and I still hum the Monorail showtune from time to time. It also contains my favorite Simpsons quick gag (and this episode had a lot of them), which brings us to our funniest moment.
Cynic's Funniest Moment: When Marge is radioing Homer to help him stop the train. It's not so much what he says but just how calmly he says it.
Marge: Homer? Homer, can you hear me?!
Homer: Hello?
Marge: Homer, I have a man here who thinks he can help you!
Homer: Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist.
Marge (annoyed): It's not Batman!

Well, there you have it! After over a week of being delayed, my fondest Simpsons memories have been listed on Blogspot. I hope you enjoyed reading them and by all means, feel free to share your own Simpsons memories. Of course, as I type this, it occurs to me that I still have not seen The Simpsons Movie. After talking about the show in this detailed of a fashion, perhaps I'll have to give that one a watch. Cynic out!

Top 15 Favorite Simpsons Episodes (Part 1)

Ah, The Simpsons. The mere mention of the name brings back all kinds of memorable television moments: Homer finding out he has twenty four hours to live, Krusty The Klown faking his death, Lisa's look into the future where the man of her dreams turns around on her, Bart becoming a Hall Monitor, Maggie being adopted by bears, the list goes on. I used to be an avid Simpsons viewer as a kid but I had stopped watching because a lot of the newer episodes felt lacking to me. The ONE time I decide to try and catch a new episode of the show, they use Kesha's "Tik Tok" as the theme song. It's no secret that I FUCKING HATE KESHA, so this really pissed me off. The Simpsons, a show that has to have some kind of talent to warrant an over twenty season run, and Kesha, a talentless bitch who is the Jabberwock of music (the bad musician that all other bad musicians fear), should not be in the same sentence, much less the same animation. Now that I've had ample time to cool off about it, I decided to think back and remember my fondest moments of a show that, as harsh as this may sound, is dead to me. Here is Coffee With The Cynic's Top 15 Favorite Simpsons Episodes! Why 15? Because there was NO WAY in Hell I was going to be able to narrow it down to seven. 15 was hard enough, and I could write an essay on the honorable mentions alone.

#15 - S05xE04: Rosebud
This is the episode where Mr. Burns has dreams about his old teddy bear, Bobo. As it turns out, through an elaborate turn of events, Bobo has wound up in Springfield and is in the possession of Maggie Simpson. Upon discovering this, Burns & Smithers do everything short of using heavy artillery to get the bear back. When Burns admits defeat and tells Maggie to take care of Bobo for him, Maggie has a change of heart and lets C.M. Burns have his old bear back. This episode had a lot of heart but wasn't sappy all the way through. In fact, the buildup to the sap was quite funny.
Cynic's Funniest Moment: Burns & Smithers are stuck to the ceiling of The Simpson's kitchen as Homer has a midnight snack of 64 slices of American Cheese. The conversation that follows the next morning is priceless.
Marge: Have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: Aye thingk Ahm bleyend...

#14 - S09xE14: Das Bus
In a parody of "Lord Of The Flies," Bart, Milhouse, Lisa (why do the fourth and second grades always go on field trips together?) and their classmates end up stranded on an island where they have to use their wits to survive. Things only worsen when when Milhouse is accused of eating all of the food and his warnings of a monster go unheard. Unlike the original LOTF, Bart isn't the only survivor of his group when the kids break up into two tribes and he isn't chased onto the beach where Bob Peck (Jurassic Park's Robert Muldoon) in military fatigues rescues them.
Cynic's Funniest Moment: Probably a tie between Otto's would-be last words to the kids ("Zeppelin rules!") and James Earl Jone's end narration, where the story just picks an ending out the sky ("And the children were eventually rescued by, oh...let's say, Moe.")

#13 - S06xE23: The Springfield Connection
Marge chases Snake into an alley after he cheats Homer at a game of 3 Card Monty, but he pulls a knife on her. In a surge of adrenaline, she knocks him out with one shot using a trash can lid. Amazed by the thrill of stopping a criminal, Marge enlists in the police force, which makes Homer insecure about his masculinity. When I first saw this episode as a child, I honestly thought this was how police boot camp policies worked ("I told you, you don't get your gun until you tell me your name!").
Cynic's Funniest Moment: Again, another tie, between Homer being arrested by Marge in the parking lot (depicted above)...
Homer: Ooo, Marge, not here...wait, you're not really arresting me, are you?
Marge: You have the right to remain silent.
Homer: I choose to waive that right. *yells incoherently*
...and Homer's discovery of the counterfeit jeans operation in his garage (or "car hold," according to Moe).
Herman: *Pulls gun* Not so fast!
Homer: Okay *slows pace towards door*
Herman: Maybe you should just stop entirely.

#12 - S07xE24: Homerpalooza
Homer Simpson has a fucking awesome taste in music and anyone who says otherwise is a blithering idiot. This episode made me a fan of Mountain's "Mississippi Queen" and Bart should've been pimpslapped out the window for trashing Homer's music. Now that I've gotten that off my chest, Homer wants to feel more accepted by his kids so he takes them to Hullabalooza, a tour parody of Lullapalooza, and immediately gets accused of being a narc and is thrown out of the crowd. In a fit of anger, he accidentally sets off a stage prop and gets shot in the stomach, but feels fine afterwards. He then joins Hullabalooza as part of the Traveling Freak Show. With guest stars like Cypress Hill, The Smashing Pumpkins, Sonic Youth and Peter Frampton, this episode had a lot of laughs and a lot of star power.
Cynic's Funniest Moment: Again, there's a few in here, but Peter Frampton's reaction to the stage prop going off kills me every time.
Tech: Uh oh, there goes Peter Frampton's big finale. He's gonna be pissed off...
Frampton: You're damned right I'm gonna be pissed off! I bought that pig at Pink Floyd's yard sale!

#11 - S07xE20: Bart On The Road
Whenever I hear Golden Earring's "Radar Love," I immediately think of this episode. In order to start his Spring Break earlier, Principal Skinner has a "Take Your Kids To Work Day" to clear out the student body. Lisa goes to work with Homer & Bart ends up at the DMV with Patty and Selma where he makes a fake drivers license and rents a car. He, Milhouse, Nelson & Martin take a road trip to Knoxville where the car gets crushed under a Wigsphere and Bart calls Lisa for help. This one is a classic and I love the oddball pairing of the clashing personalities stuck in the car. The scenes of Lisa & Homer hanging out at his work are also quite humorous and it's nice to see Homer spending quality time with his daughter instead of completely neglecting her.
Cynic's Funniest Moment: After Lisa explains to Homer what happened to Bart, they call the power plant closest to him so they can get him to deliver a new power terminal. The operative on the other end says that Springfield's terminal is running fine and there's no need to send a new one. Homer, without a second thought, grabs a can of soda and pours it all over his terminal, shorting it out and putting the entire plant, not to mention the city, at risk and the guy on the other end completely loses his shit.

Be sure to check back later for Part 2, where we look at entries 10-6!

-The Cynic