Countdown To Godzilla: The Godzilla 30 Day Challenge (in one post)

     Look, I know that this is supposed to be a review of Gareth Edwards' Monsters but I need to rewatch that movie when I am not struggling to stay awake after doing a full day at a new job on a couple hours of sleep and when my kids are in bed and not fussing over the dialogue or asking me a million questions about the goddamned movie when I just want some goddamned peace and quiet to watch the goddamned movie.  So, in lieu of this, we are one day away from Godzilla's theatrical release (I've got tickets for Sunday night) and we're going to do the 30 Days Of Godzilla Challenge, as originally featured on the Facebook group Toho Kaiju Union, in one post.

     Before we get started, I'm not sure if I've ever gotten this out in the open but despite the fact that I consider myself a Godzilla fan, I have NOT seen all of the Godzilla films.  Here is a complete list of them and I have scratched out the ones I have seen (I won't bother specifying which dub I've seen).

     Gojira/Godzilla: King Of The Monsters
     Godzilla Raids Again/Gigantis The Fire Monster
     King Kong vs Godzilla
     Godzilla vs Mothra/Godzilla vs The Thing
     Ghidorah, The Three Headed Monster
     Invasion of Astro-Monster/Monster Zero
     Ebirah, Horror Of The Deep/Godzilla vs The Sea Monster
     Son Of Godzilla
     Destroy All Monsters
     All Monsters Attack/Godzilla's Revenge (unfortunately)
     Godzilla vs Hedorah/Godzilla vs The Smog Monster
     Godzilla vs Gigan
     Godzilla vs Megalon
     Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla
     Terror Of MechaGodzilla
     The Return Of Godzilla/Godzilla 1985
     Godzilla vs Biollante
     Godzilla vs King Ghidorah
     Godzilla vs Mothra/Godzilla vs Mothra: The Battle For Earth
     Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla/Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla 2
     Godzilla vs SpaceGodzilla
     Godzilla vs Destoroyah
     Godzilla
     Godzilla 2000: Millenium/Godzilla 2000
     Godzilla vs Megaguirus
     Godzilla, Mothra & King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All Out Attack
     Godzilla Against MechaGodzilla
     Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S.
     Godzilla: Final Wars
     Godzilla

     Let the falling of my credibility as a Godzilla fan commence, as well as this challenge!

     1.  How Were You Introduced To The Godzilla Franchise?
     I don't remember which one exactly, but when I was five I really got into dinosaurs and when you look at the dinosaur books that talk about dinosaur movies, the Godzilla series was their go-to feature (this was pre-Jurassic Park).

     2.  What was the first Godzilla film you ever saw?
     Is it bad that I honestly don't remember?  It was probably one of the later films in the Showa era, if I had to guess.  Most likely Godzilla vs Megalon or Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla.

     3.  Favorite Showa Era (1954-1975) film?
     Gojira, easily.  Having picked up Gojira: The Original Masterpiece recently, it's a very emotional film that has unfortunately been overshadowed by the campy films that followed it.  Granted, Godzilla probably wouldn't have become the pop culture icon that he is today without those campy films, but upon watching the film again, a part of me wishes that the Godzilla films kept a more serious tone throughout the series instead of waiting until the Heisei era.

     4.  Favorite Heisei Era (1984-1995) film?
     Probably Godzilla 1985.  I haven't seen the Japanese cut, The Return Of Godzilla, but this one was probably one of the more badass representations of him.

     5.  Favorite Millenium Era (1999-2004) film?
     Well, given how I've only seen two of the Millenium Era films, I'm going with Final Wars.  Sure, the movie was way longer than it needed to be and many of the monsters were underused and shoehorned in (*cough*Zilla*cough*), but there's enough batshit craziness to have fun with.

     6.  Least Favorite Godzilla Film?  Tristar's 1998 film doesn't count.
     Godzilla's Revenge, hands down.  I just watched The Cinema Snob's take on it and was pleasantly reminded of how seeing that movie once was once too many.  I never want to see it again.

     7.  Favorite Suit/Version of Godzilla?
     Either the 1973-1975 or the 1985 suit.  These are suits that come to mind when I think of him as either the defender or destroyer of Earth, respectively.

     8.  Favorite Kaiju from the Godzilla franchise?
     Aside from the Big Guy himself?  Uh...

     9.  Least Favorite Kaiju from the Godzilla franchise?
     GODDAMED GABARA.  Such a stupid monster with stupid powers from a stupid movie!  FUCK this guy!

     10.  Favorite Battle Of The Godzilla Franchise?
     I don't really know.  Either the final battle from Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla or the battle in IDW's Godzilla: Defenders Of Earth between Godzilla and Zilla (if comics count).

     11.  In your opinion, what was Godzilla's toughest fight/greatest adversary?
     Physically, probably Destoroyah or King Ghidorah.  Pride-wise, Zilla.

     12.  Favorite moment from the Showa era?
     When the mother assures her daughters that they'll be reunited with their father as Godzilla rampages in Gojira.  So powerful, so unsettling.

     13.  Favorite moment from the Heisei era?
     The flashback to World War II in Godzilla vs King Ghidorah.  The acting from the American soldiers is hilariously terrible.

     14.  Favorite moment from the Millenium era?
     The New York scene in Final Wars.  Love it for the same reason as #13.

     15.  What is your opinion on Tristar's 1998 film?
     Used to like it.  Love the creature's redesign, hate the movie.  The animated series was better.

     16.  Favorite non-Kaiju character from the series?
     Probably the wanna-be Neo alien from Final Wars.  That guy was a riot!

     17.  Favorite score/song from the series?
     Probably the Gojira main theme.

     18.  What is the first piece of Godzilla merchandise you remember owning?
     Probably this. 
     

     19.  What is your favorite piece of Godzilla merchandise that you own?
     Probably the 1995 Godzillas (red and white), Baby Godzilla and Zilla mini figures my wife and I used as cake toppers at our wedding.

     20.  What is the newest piece of Godzilla merchandise that you remember getting?
     Godzilla: The Complete Animated Series DVD.

     21.  Favorite Godzilla poster of the franchise?
     This one.  Doesn't give anything away but makes you go, "Holy shit, he's coming back!"

     22.  Favorite quote from the Godzilla series?
     "The arrogance of man is thinking nature is in their control...and not the other way around."

     23.  Favorite sound effect/Kaiju roar from the series?
     The main roar from Godzilla 2000.

     24.  Favorite Kaiju weapon/special ability from the series?
     Flight.  Simple, crude, yet effective.

     25.  Favorite pop culture reference to Godzilla?
     You really have to ask?
        

     26.  Name one thing you would change about the Godzilla franchise?
     Make Godzilla vs Zilla the final fight in Final Wars.  I know it's been ten years and I really should just get the fuck over it but it still disappoints me.

     27.  Favorite moment from any trailer or TV spot from Legendary's Godzilla film?
     The entire San Diego Comic-Con 2012 teaser that took over a year to find its way online.  It is was spawned my mindset that is perfectly summed up in my Facebook profile picture.

     28.  When did you first hear about Legendary's Godzilla film?

     An article from Joblo.com when it was originally supposed to be a 40 minute short film to be released in 2012.

     29.  What is your favorite thing about the original 1954 film?

     How it still ropes you in and hits you in the feels, dated special effects and acting styles be damned...

     30.  What is your favorite thing about being a Godzilla fan?

     How non-fans think that Godzilla was always a tongue-in-cheek cheesefest when you know better, if that doesn't make me sound too much like an asshole.

     And there you have it!  Gonna try and watch Monsters again to slap a review up on here before Sunday.  Failing that, the next review you'll see on here will be Legendary Pictures' Godzilla, which I will attempt to put up on Sunday night once I come home.

     -The Cynic

Countdown To Godzilla: Godzilla Final Wars (2004) Review

     We are only 21 days until Godzilla's release and today we're looking at the 28th and final Toho Godzilla film to be made, Godzilla: Final Wars.  2004 was coming up which would mark the 50th anniversary of the original Godzilla film and Toho decided that it was time to give the big guy a rest and send him out in the grandest fashion they could, pitting him against as many of his old enemies as possible.

     Here's the plot: So countless wars and environmental acts have caused several kaiju to surface, making the planet join forces and making the Earth Defense Force, which also recruits people with super-human abilities.  Godzilla has been pinned down in the South Pole by armed forces and a Gotengo (a cross between a blimp, battleship and submarine) manages to trap Godzilla in the ice with the help of an earthquake.  Fast forward forty years where several kaiju appear at once and begin devastating various cities around the globe.  Gotengos are dispatched worldwide to combat the monsters but the creatures suddenly disappear.  Turns out they've been taken by aliens who claim to be here to help Earth, but the central cast's doubts reveal the visitors' true nature: to conquer the planet and harvest humans like cattle.  With the fate of the world in their hands, our heroes must awaken Godzilla in order to stand a chance against the aliens.

And y'know, not die in the process...

 

      Okay, so there's a bit to talk about with this movie.  If Toho wanted Godzilla to go out with a bang, this was a pretty loud one.  Godzilla's design is one of the best, updating the look of the creature but still staying true to the original design and even using the original colors, unlike the Godzilla 2000 design (which I still like), and uses the same roar as G2K, which is my personal favorite roar (you can hear the evolution of the roar here).

     Are there other monsters to fight?  As you can tell by the poster and my earlier comment, damn right there are!  Looking at the villain roster in this movie is like looking at a band's greatest hits album and they all have updated looks.  The villains are Rodan, Anguirus, King Caesar, Gigan (probably the best design update in the movie), Kamacuras, Hedorah, Ebirah, Kumonga, a new creature named Monster X and Zilla (I'll elaborate more on his appearance later on).  The kaiju Manda, Milla (aka Minya) and Mothra also make appearances but do not actually clash with Godzilla.  When these creatures are on screen, they mostly look great and not surprisingly, these are the best parts of the movie.

     Okay, so how about the parts with the people?  Usually Godzilla movies are more about the people than the monster(s) and this one is no exception.  The stuff involving the people isn't bad, but it's not great either.  Probably the character that stands out the most is the alien leader, who looks like a cross between Dante from the The Devil May Cry remake and Neo from The Matrix.  After killing his superior officer (who looks suspiciously like George Takei), he takes control of the alien army and cuts the subtle invasion bullshit.  However, he's a little childlike for humor's sake, throwing a fit whenever Godzilla defeats one of his monsters (even calling Zilla a "tuna head.")  The rest of the cast is fairly archetypical with your good intentioned male lead, cute scientist female lead, tough as nails captain (who is the only main character who speaks English sans dubbing, even in the original Japanese version), etc etc.  It probably wouldn't have been so bad if the runtime for the film had been cut down a bit because when the film clocks in at two hours, mediocre human material just isn't going to cut it and it in many of these parts doesn't feel like you're watching a Godzilla movie.  At least when you see these characters, they're usually in some kind of battle and it is more interesting than the last Godzilla film we looked at.

*sigh* If only it were this cool...

 

     Alright, the only things that really annoy me with this movie involve Zilla.  Not the fact that he's in the movie period, but just how Toho treated it.  When you see Zilla, he's never a guy in a suit, only CGI and rather poor CGI at that.  He's not the only creature who is CG'd in this movie but it seems like when they came to animating Zilla, the digital effects team just phoned it in out of spite making Zilla look worse here than he did in his own movie.  Would've been nice if just a little more effort was put into it.

     Also, one of the main hypes surrounding this movie was, "Hey, guess what?!  The Japanese Godzilla is going to fight the American Godzilla!"  When I first heard that, I was like, "Sweet!  The Japanese one is totally going to win but that's gonna be an awesome fight!"  Oh, how wrong I was...

     "Disappointment" doesn't even begin to describe how I still feel about this scene.  First off, why Sum 41?  Sure, I know it's one of their crunchier songs, but it just seems like an odd choice.  Second off, what a cop out fight.  I know that Godzilla is much more powerful than Zilla and all that, but they weren't even trying with this part.  This is what a lot of fans wanted to see and Toho just went, "It's Zilla *SPLAT* Next."  This really should've been the final fight of the movie instead of (spoilers) Monster X turning into Ghidorah.  Ghidorah is physically Godzilla's greatest foe, not to mention one of the most popular so I understand why he was on last but stop and think about it: did Ghidorah try to take Godzilla's identity by being in a horrible movie with his name plastered all over it and leave a horrid inkblot on his legacy?  No, but Zilla did.  Zilla tried to take the name "Godzilla" from its owner.  I don't know about you but I'd take that shit pretty personally.  Final Wars' finale should have been once Ghidorah was defeated, Godzilla would be weakened by the fight with Milla rushing up to comfort him.  However, Zilla leaps out of Tokyo Bay and knocks Milla aside, landing a good sideswipe on Godzilla in the process.  After landing a few clawings and bites, maybe even clawing one of his eyes and drawing blood on Godzilla, Zilla turns his attention to Milla.  Milla attempts to fight back, but Zilla is too fast and strong for him.  Hearing his son's squeals for help, Godzilla goes into a berserker rage, pulls Zilla off of Milla and throws him through a few buildings by his tail.  The two continue to trade blows but Godzilla gets the upper hand and beats Zilla to a bloody lifeless pulp, not even relying on his atomic breath.  Milla, as well as any survivors, watch in awe as Godzilla, covered in both his blood and Zilla's, stands triumphant over his enemy's body and lets out the loudest victory roar the world has ever heard, forever cementing him as the true Godzilla.

     Alas, that will never happen although we did get a much better Godzilla/Zilla fight in the IDW comic Godzilla: Rulers Of Earth (it ends in a draw, though).  That being said, I for the most part enjoy Final Wars because while it may run a little too long, it was a great way to send the king off into a ten year break.  If you like giant monster mayhem, I'd say give this one a shot.

     Well, that's the last Godzilla movie to review before the new one.  Check back next time when we look at the found footage kaiju film, Cloverfield.

 

     -The Cynic

Countdown To Godzilla: Godzilla (1998) Review

     Alright, I know what you're thinking.  It's one of three things:

     -"Cynic, why are you even bothering with this one?  Everyone knows it's not a true Godzilla movie."

     -"Cynic, why are you even bothering with this one?  Everyone knows that this is a terrible movie."

     -"Hey, fuck you!  I like this movie."

     Now the third option is less likely but I do know people who genuinely enjoy this film.  For the record, I did enjoy this film when I was a kid, so much to the point that for my 12th birthday I got nothing but merchandise from this movie and I watched the hell out of the VHS once I got it.  Yet, when I watch it now...let's just say time has not been kind to this version of Godzilla.  I don't even consider this film a guilty pleasure anymore, not like when I did a blog about the animated series that followed it.  This film was horribly received, currently ranking a 5.2/10 score on IMDB, a 25% score on Rotten Tomatoes and scorned by critics and long-time Godzilla fans alike back in 1998.  While the advertising for the film (including this trailer, which was brilliantly aired during the annual New Years Eve television special at about 11:58 PM) was solid, the general consensus is that the film itself isn't.  Since it does bear the name of "Godzilla," we're going to take a look at this movie again.  Now, I don't want to sound like I'm just jumping on a bandwagon, so when I sat down and watched it this afternoon, I went in with a mentality of, "Okay, we know the film is bad but is there anything good within?"

Okay, I got a good laugh out of this one.

      This film was director Roland Emmerich & producer Dean Devlin's follow up to their smash hit, 1996's Independence Day.  Originally Roland Emmerich had wanted to do an asteroid film, but Deep Impact and Armageddon were on the horizon, so he and Devlin got together and said, "Godzilla."  Since Tristar Studios had acquired the rights and been wanting to do an American take on the monster since the early 1990s (Stan Winston Studios at one point was attached to do the SFX), they were on board for totally reinventing the King Of The Monsters.  The duo reunited with Independence Day creature designer Patrick Tatopolous and gave him the daunting task of redesigning the classic kaiju.  After unveiling their design to the head honchos at Toho, the trio were met with a nervous silence and after being told to wait a day, Toho gave their blessing on the project.  This is really the only exposition you need on the history of the film.

      Alright, so let's get right down to it: is the movie really that bad?  Well, it's bad, but I don't know if I'd go so far as to say that it's truly as bad as everyone says it is.  Much like Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, it's full of problems but you won't really suffer from eye stigmata either.  Are there good things about it?  Hell, I know I'm in the minority here but one of the best things about this movie is Godzilla's appearance redesign.  I've been a fan of saurian creatures ever since I was five years old, so of course I don't mind if a monster that was originally conceived as a dinosaur mutated by nuclear radiation has a version that actually looks more saurian.  Granted, this is countered by the fact that in this version, Godzilla is not a dinosaur but in fact a mutated lizard from the French Polynesia and the CGI effects aren't up to par even for 1998, but still, of all the things about this movie, Tristar's Godzilla redesign is one of the few things that hold up.

Nifty model kit of the redesign.

     I also still have the book of The Making Of "Godzilla," chronicling the behind the scenes mayhem to bring the new version of the world's biggest movie star to life.  Most people are quick to assume that all of the shots within the city featuring the military or of Godzilla were generated via CGI, but this isn't entirely true.  The part where Madison Square Garden blows up and Godzilla rises from what's left of it?  That's 1/24 scale model of MSG, which was taller than VFX Supervisor Volker Engel, being blown up on a soundstage with Kurt Carley in a Godzilla suit coming out of it.  How about where Godzilla has the fish truck in his jaws when he first arrives in Manhattan?  That's a 1/6 scale animatronic, which is slightly terrifying.  There are plenty of other practical FX shots in this movie and looking at this book upon watching the movie again, I feel really bad for the practical FX crew involved because while it may be a terrible movie, these guys and gals were working their assess off to try and make it look great.  However, in the end, I guess no matter how much hard work you put on making the quality bread of a shit sandwich, in the end you're still going to have a shit sandwich.

 I'd even recommend picking this book up on Amazon, for the mighty 3 cents plus shipping it'll cost you.

     How much of a shit sandwich, you ask?  Well, you know it's a bad sign when even the two good things about the film listed above have bad aspects to them.  In an old blog before I went on a bit of a hiatus, I had mentioned I wrote a video script of "5 Reasons Why Godzilla (98) Sucks" that never saw the light of day so I gave the condensed version.  Upon revisiting the film, those five reasons still hold firm today.  I'll elaborate on the bigger ones.

     Okay, this movie features one of the worst movie armies I have ever seen, actually causing more damage to New York than Godzilla does.  When I wrote my original "5 Reasons" script, I actually contacted a friend of mine who is in the United States Air Force to ask him exactly how accurate the representation of the Armed Forces were and below was his response.  I don't know if I can use my friend's name or not for whatever reason, so I'll omit that just in case:

     Cynic,

     Well, you are correct in your statement of a Roland Emmerich film being the last place to look for accuracy, but I'll assist you in an analysis of his "Godzilla" film, because that movie needs a kick in the ass whenever it can be provided.

     From what I recall of that abomination, nothing was really done right, both militarily and cinematically.  We in the Air Force do not fly the Apaches (the Army does) but we do work with them a lot on the MC-12, so we have a pretty good idea of how they work.

     About the needing permission to fire, it all depends on the rules of engagement for that particular mission.  Given the severity of a kaiju attack, I'd like to think they'd have it ironed out beforehand with, "If you get a shot at the damn thing, take it."  However, there may be extenuating circumstances, like if they had Godzilla in their sights but he was fornicating the Statue Of Liberty.  "Should I still take the shot?  I could destroy them both."  Usually Apaches, bombers and other attack aircraft are controlled so much by a guy on the ground called a FAC or JTAC (usually an Air Force officer working with the Army), but a Godzilla scenario would probably be a little different.

     The film's depiction of the agility of the Apaches also has me scratching my head.  I sincerely doubt that they wouldn't be able to weave all nimbly bimbly between buildings.  I know that no pilot would ever take his plane between skyscrapers and helicopters might be a little different but it still looks off when I picture it.

     There are two scenes in particular you asked about that are painfully, glaringly wrong:

     -When the swarm of Apaches are chasing the creature through the city, there's two things wrong here.  One, Apaches (well, nowadays at least) usually fly in a two-ship configuration.  You wouldn't have the mass number depicted in the film chasing a single target from one side.  Two, this scene has friendlies flying in front of one another while engaging the target.  To put it bluntly, it's a HUGE deal if you fire a rocket, missile or even a bullet with a friendly in front of you.  HUGE deal.

     -The scene where the Apaches fire upon the hollowed out building without confirming Godzilla is within is a huge no-no.  If you're going to fire, CONFIRM YOUR TARGET.  If there's a chance they'd destroy the city instead of Godzilla, it's likely they wouldn't fire until they could get a clearer shot at him.

     I also find the whole "heat-seekers can't lock" thing absurd.  Like I told you about that horrible Jurassic Park comic, heat seeking missiles are designed to go after airplane engines, so they need a target that's several hundred degrees in order to lock on.  I know that Godzilla was much faster in this version than the Japanese one, but still, if you can't hit a building sized monster, you're doing something wrong.

     "Godzilla" is a strange movie when it comes to the military aspect, especially when Roland Emmerich got it down fairly well with "Independence Day" and Michael Bay did a great job with the "Transformers" movies.  "Cloverfield" made it look more convincing than "Godzilla," even if you wouldn't have fighters flying that low over New York rooftops.  Hope this helps you with your script.

     Even if you know little to nothing about how armed forces tactics work, there's no doubt that the movie is lacking in other areas, like the acting and the script.  I'm not sure which one is truly at fault so I'm listing both.  I found that the only remotely convincing cast member in this movie was Jean Reno, who plays a French Secret Service agent who brings a team to New York to help take down Godzilla behind the military's back.  Matthew Broderick being the frontman in an action movie is one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen and for having a batch of actors being used to play scientists, they have some of the stupidest lines that should never come out of a scientist's mouth, the most glaring to me being, "An island, water on all sides..." As opposed to what, an island with water on a couple of sides?  The rest of the cast really isn't even worth mentioning, so we'll go to the next big thing.

You...

      Yes, the Baby Godzillas.  I've always hated this part of the movie because it comes completely out of left field (Why would Nick think to buy pregnancy test in the first place?  Furthermore, how are pregnancy tests used on humans supposed to work on mutated reptiles?!), it's totally unnecessary and once they reach Madison Square Garden and the eggs start hatching, it suddenly becomes another movie.  Emmerich and Devlin swear up and down that any similarities to Jurassic Park were not intentional, but I have my doubts.  All this does is drag the film on, set up a sequel that never happened (theatrically) and lead into a finale that feels even more extended to the point where this two hour fifteen minute film feels longer than Lord Of The Rings: Return Of The King.  Actually, while we speak of the finale...

     While I am a fan of Godzilla's design in this movie, I don't like how he's so easily disposed of in this film.  Playing dead after getting torpedoed in the Hudson River, Godzilla emerges pheonix style from the remains of Madison Square Garden and chases after the human cast.  They lure him onto the Brooklyn Bridge where he gets caught in the suspension cables and some F-18s shoot him down.  Yup, after all we've been through, it just takes some suspension cables and twelve missiles to stop him.  I don't know if the film was meant to end with the destruction of Madison Square Garden and the test screen results felt that the story wasn't finished or what, but it sure feels that way.

     Okay, I think this review has gone on for a little too long (much like the film) and I'm getting tired.  Roland Emmerich's Godzila may have a neat looking monster, but the rest of the film is a bit of a chore to sit through because it throws watchable-but-not-particularly-entertaining material at us while taking itself oh so seriously.  Had the some of the dialogue and cast been tweaked, the Baby Godzilla's cut completely (although without them, we probably wouldn't have gotten the better animated series) and some of Godzilla's more traditional characteristics included (breathing atomic fire, not being killed by conventional weapons), this film probably could've been saved.  However, we're left with a film that can only really be enjoyed if you can completely turn off your brain and just roll with it.  Oh, well.  If absolutely nothing else, this movie is still better than Godzilla's Revenge.

*ulp* Sorry, I just threw up in my mouth a bit.

     -The Cynic