The Great Wall Review

     2017 has actually been a pretty good year so far for my movie viewing experiences.  I'd only seen 12 2017 movies before sitting down to view The Great Wall and out of those 12, only 2 were duds.  I seem to recall a bit more of a balance by about this time last year so I watched this one, thinking that it might help pad out the Bad list.  I'll be completely up front with you, seeing the trailers for this movie did not make me excited one bit and Scholar and I figured that The Great Wall would end up being a hate watch, like what she did with last year's abomination Gods Of Egypt or our plans for this year's The Mummy.

      The story behind The Great Wall, conceived by Legendary Pictures CEO Thomas Tull and World War Z author Max Brooks, is that two surviving members of a platoon of European mercenaries have traveled to China to find out the secret of gunpowder.  After a strange encounter with a creature at their camp, William (Matt Damon) and Tovar (Predro Pascal) happen across The Great Wall of China, only to find it heavily guarded and patrolled by an army known as The Nameless Order.  William and Tovar are captured and find themselves caught up in The Nameless Order's ongoing battle with a race of beasts known as the Tao Tei.  Having some emotional baggage, William agrees to help the Nameless Order in their fight in hopes of personal redemption.

     Now that sounds pretty silly, right?  Saying it out loud doesn't really do the movie any favors and the aforementioned trailers didn't help so I sat down with a big glass of Crown and Coke and gave it a watch...

     ...and Goddamn it, I kinda liked it.

Hey, I'm just as surprised as you are, Jing Tian.

      First of all, this is a pretty good looking movie.  There is a lot of sweeping landscape shots and a great sense of scale when getting good looks at both the wall and Bianliang later on, showing just how massive the threat they face is and even when the Tao Tei horde isn't featured onscreen, the cinematography is really nice during these moments.  When our characters reach the Wall, the movie receives a nice injection of color that the first few minutes sorely lacks with somewhat Blizzard-esque armor and weaponry being sported by The Nameless Order gives the aesthetic a more vibrant feel.  Kudos to Weta Workshop in this department because that looked great.

     Another thing that looked good was the action scenes when The Nameless Order engage the Tao Tei in combat.  The shots and editing used during these moments were clear, coherent and not so overdone that you couldn't see what was going on, which was good because this allowed the movie to unleash some brutality during these moments that I thought were pretty intense for a PG-13 movie.  The Great Wall doesn't really shy away from the fact that The Nameless Order are just as likely to get mass casualties just as the Tao Tei.  Naturally, it's not as brutal as something like Hacksaw Ridge but I was surprised by some of the shots showing what became of some of the soldiers during these fights.

     If I had to pick one thing that I enjoyed the most about this movie, it would be the score.  It was actually the first thing I noticed just as the movie was starting up.  Ramin Djawadi's music has the feel of your typical major Hollywood blockbuster but there was also a playful undertone to it which gave me flashbacks to Klaus Badelt's score for the first Pirates Of The Caribbean film.  I'm listening to this soundtrack as I write this review and to be honest, I would buy it.

Just wanted an excuse to show these costumes.

     However, a great movie The Great Wall is not.  One of the biggest problems I had with it, now that I think about it, is that there a couple of side characters in this movie that just do not need to be here.  Pedro Pascal and Willem Dafoe's respective characters don't really add much to the story other than an obligatory human threat to the well being of The Nameless Order and the pacing of the movie suffers whenever they're on.  Their performances are fine (actually, everyone is fine in this movie although it takes Matt Damon a few minutes to really get into it) and I don't have anything against the actors but they just weren't that interesting to follow.  Whenever Tovar and William would get into a spat, I found myself wanting to get back to The Nameless Order stuff, not because of the action and the costume designs but their ranks, hierarchy and way of life was more engaging and even then, I wasn't completely wrapped up with those characters either.  Pascal and Dafoe's characters could've been cut from the movie and I don't think much would've really been lost.

     I am also on the fence about the Tao Tei's designs.  They grew on me a bit more as the film progressed but the first good look you get at them 19 minutes in left me feeling very underwhelmed at the designs and, well, you only get one chance at a first impression.  Other than that, there's your typical blockbuster movie nitpicks: some bad greenscreen near the beginning of the film, it gets very, VERY CGI heavy at the end and it doesn't always look the best and I can imagine there's probably a lot of people who were mad/disappointed at a tease of a big action sequence that we only ever saw the aftermath of.

     

     In the end...yeah.  The Great Wall is not the wreck I was expecting it to be.  It's not a game-changer in the action movie genre, the dialogue isn't Tarantino levels and there's very little humor to be had here but it is an enjoyable, CG creature-feature war film with some pretty intense action sequences and an overall fun feel to it.  I'm not saying I'd run out and buy the Blu-Ray full price but if I found it in the cheap bins, I'd honestly pick it up.  I'm giving The Great Wall the ranking of a Fun Ride.

Wheeee!

      So folks, what did you think of The Great Wall?  As always, thank you so much for reading and if you like what you see on this blog, you be sure to nudge that "Follow" button and stay cynical!

     -The Cynic

Countdown To Godzilla: The Godzilla 30 Day Challenge (in one post)

     Look, I know that this is supposed to be a review of Gareth Edwards' Monsters but I need to rewatch that movie when I am not struggling to stay awake after doing a full day at a new job on a couple hours of sleep and when my kids are in bed and not fussing over the dialogue or asking me a million questions about the goddamned movie when I just want some goddamned peace and quiet to watch the goddamned movie.  So, in lieu of this, we are one day away from Godzilla's theatrical release (I've got tickets for Sunday night) and we're going to do the 30 Days Of Godzilla Challenge, as originally featured on the Facebook group Toho Kaiju Union, in one post.

     Before we get started, I'm not sure if I've ever gotten this out in the open but despite the fact that I consider myself a Godzilla fan, I have NOT seen all of the Godzilla films.  Here is a complete list of them and I have scratched out the ones I have seen (I won't bother specifying which dub I've seen).

     Gojira/Godzilla: King Of The Monsters
     Godzilla Raids Again/Gigantis The Fire Monster
     King Kong vs Godzilla
     Godzilla vs Mothra/Godzilla vs The Thing
     Ghidorah, The Three Headed Monster
     Invasion of Astro-Monster/Monster Zero
     Ebirah, Horror Of The Deep/Godzilla vs The Sea Monster
     Son Of Godzilla
     Destroy All Monsters
     All Monsters Attack/Godzilla's Revenge (unfortunately)
     Godzilla vs Hedorah/Godzilla vs The Smog Monster
     Godzilla vs Gigan
     Godzilla vs Megalon
     Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla
     Terror Of MechaGodzilla
     The Return Of Godzilla/Godzilla 1985
     Godzilla vs Biollante
     Godzilla vs King Ghidorah
     Godzilla vs Mothra/Godzilla vs Mothra: The Battle For Earth
     Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla/Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla 2
     Godzilla vs SpaceGodzilla
     Godzilla vs Destoroyah
     Godzilla
     Godzilla 2000: Millenium/Godzilla 2000
     Godzilla vs Megaguirus
     Godzilla, Mothra & King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All Out Attack
     Godzilla Against MechaGodzilla
     Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S.
     Godzilla: Final Wars
     Godzilla

     Let the falling of my credibility as a Godzilla fan commence, as well as this challenge!

     1.  How Were You Introduced To The Godzilla Franchise?
     I don't remember which one exactly, but when I was five I really got into dinosaurs and when you look at the dinosaur books that talk about dinosaur movies, the Godzilla series was their go-to feature (this was pre-Jurassic Park).

     2.  What was the first Godzilla film you ever saw?
     Is it bad that I honestly don't remember?  It was probably one of the later films in the Showa era, if I had to guess.  Most likely Godzilla vs Megalon or Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla.

     3.  Favorite Showa Era (1954-1975) film?
     Gojira, easily.  Having picked up Gojira: The Original Masterpiece recently, it's a very emotional film that has unfortunately been overshadowed by the campy films that followed it.  Granted, Godzilla probably wouldn't have become the pop culture icon that he is today without those campy films, but upon watching the film again, a part of me wishes that the Godzilla films kept a more serious tone throughout the series instead of waiting until the Heisei era.

     4.  Favorite Heisei Era (1984-1995) film?
     Probably Godzilla 1985.  I haven't seen the Japanese cut, The Return Of Godzilla, but this one was probably one of the more badass representations of him.

     5.  Favorite Millenium Era (1999-2004) film?
     Well, given how I've only seen two of the Millenium Era films, I'm going with Final Wars.  Sure, the movie was way longer than it needed to be and many of the monsters were underused and shoehorned in (*cough*Zilla*cough*), but there's enough batshit craziness to have fun with.

     6.  Least Favorite Godzilla Film?  Tristar's 1998 film doesn't count.
     Godzilla's Revenge, hands down.  I just watched The Cinema Snob's take on it and was pleasantly reminded of how seeing that movie once was once too many.  I never want to see it again.

     7.  Favorite Suit/Version of Godzilla?
     Either the 1973-1975 or the 1985 suit.  These are suits that come to mind when I think of him as either the defender or destroyer of Earth, respectively.

     8.  Favorite Kaiju from the Godzilla franchise?
     Aside from the Big Guy himself?  Uh...

     9.  Least Favorite Kaiju from the Godzilla franchise?
     GODDAMED GABARA.  Such a stupid monster with stupid powers from a stupid movie!  FUCK this guy!

     10.  Favorite Battle Of The Godzilla Franchise?
     I don't really know.  Either the final battle from Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla or the battle in IDW's Godzilla: Defenders Of Earth between Godzilla and Zilla (if comics count).

     11.  In your opinion, what was Godzilla's toughest fight/greatest adversary?
     Physically, probably Destoroyah or King Ghidorah.  Pride-wise, Zilla.

     12.  Favorite moment from the Showa era?
     When the mother assures her daughters that they'll be reunited with their father as Godzilla rampages in Gojira.  So powerful, so unsettling.

     13.  Favorite moment from the Heisei era?
     The flashback to World War II in Godzilla vs King Ghidorah.  The acting from the American soldiers is hilariously terrible.

     14.  Favorite moment from the Millenium era?
     The New York scene in Final Wars.  Love it for the same reason as #13.

     15.  What is your opinion on Tristar's 1998 film?
     Used to like it.  Love the creature's redesign, hate the movie.  The animated series was better.

     16.  Favorite non-Kaiju character from the series?
     Probably the wanna-be Neo alien from Final Wars.  That guy was a riot!

     17.  Favorite score/song from the series?
     Probably the Gojira main theme.

     18.  What is the first piece of Godzilla merchandise you remember owning?
     Probably this. 
     

     19.  What is your favorite piece of Godzilla merchandise that you own?
     Probably the 1995 Godzillas (red and white), Baby Godzilla and Zilla mini figures my wife and I used as cake toppers at our wedding.

     20.  What is the newest piece of Godzilla merchandise that you remember getting?
     Godzilla: The Complete Animated Series DVD.

     21.  Favorite Godzilla poster of the franchise?
     This one.  Doesn't give anything away but makes you go, "Holy shit, he's coming back!"

     22.  Favorite quote from the Godzilla series?
     "The arrogance of man is thinking nature is in their control...and not the other way around."

     23.  Favorite sound effect/Kaiju roar from the series?
     The main roar from Godzilla 2000.

     24.  Favorite Kaiju weapon/special ability from the series?
     Flight.  Simple, crude, yet effective.

     25.  Favorite pop culture reference to Godzilla?
     You really have to ask?
        

     26.  Name one thing you would change about the Godzilla franchise?
     Make Godzilla vs Zilla the final fight in Final Wars.  I know it's been ten years and I really should just get the fuck over it but it still disappoints me.

     27.  Favorite moment from any trailer or TV spot from Legendary's Godzilla film?
     The entire San Diego Comic-Con 2012 teaser that took over a year to find its way online.  It is was spawned my mindset that is perfectly summed up in my Facebook profile picture.

     28.  When did you first hear about Legendary's Godzilla film?

     An article from Joblo.com when it was originally supposed to be a 40 minute short film to be released in 2012.

     29.  What is your favorite thing about the original 1954 film?

     How it still ropes you in and hits you in the feels, dated special effects and acting styles be damned...

     30.  What is your favorite thing about being a Godzilla fan?

     How non-fans think that Godzilla was always a tongue-in-cheek cheesefest when you know better, if that doesn't make me sound too much like an asshole.

     And there you have it!  Gonna try and watch Monsters again to slap a review up on here before Sunday.  Failing that, the next review you'll see on here will be Legendary Pictures' Godzilla, which I will attempt to put up on Sunday night once I come home.

     -The Cynic

Pop Culture Punch Out: Griffin vs Dragon

Well, folks. I have a confession to make. *Sigh* I like The Deadliest Warrior. Yes, that Deadliest Warrior, the Spike TV show that is the historical equivalent of a group of nerds arguing whether or not Edwin Jarvis would win in a fight against Alfred Pennyworth. Now before any of you take up to lynch mobbing and hunt my ass down for this, let me just make one thing very clear: I don't think The Deadliest Warrior is a perfect show nor do I always agree with the results. It's cool that with season 3 they are trying to factor in psychological aspects that hadn't been considered before, but they assign numerical values to these "X-factors" without giving a concrete breakdown as to WHY these values match up to these x-factors. I also am not really sold on the idea of a computer churning all these results out, since the computer is only as smart as the person using it and you're never going to be able to completely replicate a warrior's mentality, meaning that the only way you could actually see who would win in a fight is to invent a time machine, catch said warriors, and toss them into the octagon together and watch. That being said, what really draws me into Deadliest Warrior is the experts that they bring in as well as the weapons testing, because let's face it: who doesn't like seeing shit getting beat/blown up? By the time the testing is finished, there's only five minutes left in the program, so you might as well stick around to see who wins.

Cool concept, questionable execution.

The whole genesis of this blog is attributed to the upcoming episode of Deadliest Warrior, where on September 14th, they'll be pitting two fictional characters against each other for the first time when Vampires face off against Zombies. Now, this might sound absolutely stupid (it kind of is), but much like the rest of the show, at least its entertaining in its stupidity, which is all the show is meant to do: entertain. Truth be told, this is probably the match up I'm looking most forward to because:

A)The living/un dead kick ass
B)The two combatants are running rampant in horror pop culture right now
C)Deadliest Warrior is really having fun with its concept this time around, which is really saying something
D)And finally, Steve Niles (30 Days Of Night) and Max Brooks (World War Z) are the experts representing the Vampires and Zombies. Awesome.

This idea got me thinking of other fictional characters that Deadliest Warrior could have face off against each other. So that's what this is, since I can't call it Deadliest Warrior, this is the maiden voyage of Pop Culture Punch Out, where we are pitting Legendary's Griffin vs Reign Of Fire's Dragon.

WHO? IS? DEADLIEST? Sorry, had to say it.

Okay, first off, lets take a look at the size of these creatures. Both are big, both are scary, but who has size on their side?

Let's start with the Griffin. Look at the picture above (Click here for a larger version). Let's assume that the officers firing at the creature are six feet tall. Judging from that picture, the Griffin's body length is equivalent to about five and a half NYPD officers, so a good thirty-three feet. However, what makes either of these creatures intimidating is their wingspan and when you use the same officers for a size reference, you're looking at eight NYPD officers to match the Griffin's wingspan of 48 feet.

Pretty intimidating, eh? But what about the Dragon? Take a look at this picture for a moment. The main Dragon in the middle is the male Dragon, which has the wingspan of 320 feet, equal to that of a Boeing 747. However, we are pitting the Griffin against one of the smaller female Dragons in the film. The male's wingspan would require eight females to match it, pitting the female's span at about forty-six feet. The Dragon's body is about the size of one of her wings and then some, so that'll put the creature's overall length at about thirty feet. So, in conclusion, a forty-six foot wingspan and a thirty foot length versus a forty-eight foot wingspan with a thirty-three foot body length, the edge has to go to the Griffin.

Edge: Griffin.

So how about the claws that these creatures wield? Which is deadlier? The Griffin's claws are located at the bottom of their front legs and measure at about 1-1.5 ft. in length. The Griffin could use these claws to not only grab prey to fly off with, but they could deal a great amount of damage by means of mauling. The Dragon's claws are located at the middle of their wings and measured about 1 ft. in length. Due to the placement of the claws, it doesn't seem that the Dragon would be able to utilize them in combat and would have to rely more on its bite or fire breath than its claws, which are more or less there to help keep the creature upright. Due to the larger size and user-friendly accessibility, The edge has to go to the Griffin on this one.

Edge: Griffin.

Now, let's look at each creature's special abilities. Upon researching and Googling many sites on the subject, it doesn't appear that the Griffin has any sort of long range weapons of any sort. The Griffin's body is its weapon and that's all it seems to need. However, here is where the dragon shines. Because as we all know, the Dragon has fire breath on its side. The Dragon's fire breath is generated by two chemical glands on either cheek that when secreted, they overlap and create a stream of flame that can shoot up to 110 ft. This edge, without a doubt, goes to the Dragon.

Edge: Dragon.

Now its time to see which creature has the edge in eye sight. Large aerial predators need to have great eyesight in order to properly catch their prey, and both creatures have eyes to be reckoned with. The Griffin's vision would be better than that of an eagle, which can see up to a mile away. Let's say the Griffin can see anywhere from 1.5-2 miles away. My research tells me that Griffins have great vision during any point of the day, but have very poor vision at night. The Dragon, however, has vision that can see about 1.5 miles, but it has an ace up its sleeve. As Denton Van Zan (Matthew McConaughey) explains to Quinn (Christian Bale), the Dragon's have great vision during the day, but even better vision at night. The only disadvantage here is that when the sun sets, the Dragon's eyes can't focus in the failing light. However, you'd think that with its poor night vision, the Griffin would have the same problem. If this fight carried into the night, then I'd have to give the edge to the Dragon.

Edge: Dragon.

Next up is the skin. The Griffin's skin is thick, but it lacks natural armor that is present in its counterpart. While the Griffin's claws are deadly, the Dragon's lightly armored skin might be able to absorb some of the damage from them, whereas the Griffin's skin has nothing to protect it from a Dragon's bite or a blast of fire. Edge is going to have to go to the Dragon.

Edge: Dragon.

Finally, we have maneuverability. When you look at how these creatures move around on the ground, they have different approaches on how they walk. The Griffin can land and fold its wings neatly to its side, similar to an eagle, and walk around like a lion. This will help the Griffin if it needs to charge at a target on the ground and get around a somewhat tight corner of debris. The Dragon, however, might have a problem. The Dragon's wings don't fold as neatly as the Griffin's does and the Dragon actually walks around more like a bat or a Pterosaur. This leaves her wings sticking out to the side a bit and might be troublesome for the Dragon if he has to chase prey into a tighter space than its body will allow, because if the bones in his wings break, she's more or less screwed. This crawling motion also slows the Dragon considerably and the edge for this one has to go with the Griffin.

Edge: Griffin.

So both creatures have three points to their side, now let's see who wins. In a dessicated New York City, a Griffin is perched atop what remains of The Chrysler Building. The Griffin looks up to see a Dragon circling the city, growling to the Griffin, challenging its supremacy. The Griffin shrieks at the intruder, leaping off the building and flapping its wings towards the Dragon. The Dragon hisses and shoots a streak of fire at its target, but the Griffin ducks beneath it and circles around the Dragon. The Griffin spreads its claws and sinks into the Dragon's back, biting at the crest on the back of the Dragon's head in the process. The Dragon begins to plummet towards the city due to the Griffin's weight, but spins its body around in mid-air, shaking loose the Griffin from its armored skin and sending it reeling. The Griffin lands on the roof of a building and shrieks at the Dragon. The Dragon regains its bearings and comes at the Griffin again, roaring as it does. The Griffin is about to jump at the Dragon, but is blocked by a gust of flame from the Dragon, setting debris on the roof ablaze. Disorientated by the flames, the Griffin doesn't see the Dragon coming and the Dragon flies by, biting the Griffin in the back of the head in the process. However, the Griffin weighs more than the Dragon, so the Dragon is unsuccessful in dragging the Griffin along and is forced to let go and land on a parallel roof. The Griffin jumps before the Dragon can regain itself and manages to catch it off guard by slashing across its face, causing a good deal of damage. The Dragon jumps up, flapping its wings in pain and rage, slightly distracting the Griffin by blocking out the sun. The Dragon breathes a huge streak of fire right onto the Griffin's head, causing it to shriek in pain and fly off to avoid any further damage. The Dragon flies after it, shooting another immense flame at the Griffin, completely engulfing it. The Griffin shrieks and plummets to the ground, crashing on top of abandoned cars a burning heap. The Dragon lands on a rooftop nearby, roaring in victory.

Winner: Dragon.

I had to give this one to the Dragon, simply because it had the projectile attack with the fire breath and the light armor in its skin that was able to absorb some of the damage the Griffin could do. The Griffin did have the weight and claw size on its side, but that just means there's more to burn for the Dragon.

So that was the first Pop Culture Punch Out. Hope you had fun reading it and I will post up another if anyone is interested. Agree with the outcome? Disagree? Feel free to leave a comment and if there's anything that you feel I need to improve on, I'll certainly look into it for the next one.

-The Cynic