Monday, August 22, 2011

Pop Culture Punch Out: Griffin vs Dragon

Well, folks. I have a confession to make. *Sigh* I like The Deadliest Warrior. Yes, that Deadliest Warrior, the Spike TV show that is the historical equivalent of a group of nerds arguing whether or not Edwin Jarvis would win in a fight against Alfred Pennyworth. Now before any of you take up to lynch mobbing and hunt my ass down for this, let me just make one thing very clear: I don't think The Deadliest Warrior is a perfect show nor do I always agree with the results. It's cool that with season 3 they are trying to factor in psychological aspects that hadn't been considered before, but they assign numerical values to these "X-factors" without giving a concrete breakdown as to WHY these values match up to these x-factors. I also am not really sold on the idea of a computer churning all these results out, since the computer is only as smart as the person using it and you're never going to be able to completely replicate a warrior's mentality, meaning that the only way you could actually see who would win in a fight is to invent a time machine, catch said warriors, and toss them into the octagon together and watch. That being said, what really draws me into Deadliest Warrior is the experts that they bring in as well as the weapons testing, because let's face it: who doesn't like seeing shit getting beat/blown up? By the time the testing is finished, there's only five minutes left in the program, so you might as well stick around to see who wins.

Cool concept, questionable execution.

The whole genesis of this blog is attributed to the upcoming episode of Deadliest Warrior, where on September 14th, they'll be pitting two fictional characters against each other for the first time when Vampires face off against Zombies. Now, this might sound absolutely stupid (it kind of is), but much like the rest of the show, at least its entertaining in its stupidity, which is all the show is meant to do: entertain. Truth be told, this is probably the match up I'm looking most forward to because:

A)The living/un dead kick ass
B)The two combatants are running rampant in horror pop culture right now
C)Deadliest Warrior is really having fun with its concept this time around, which is really saying something
D)And finally, Steve Niles (30 Days Of Night) and Max Brooks (World War Z) are the experts representing the Vampires and Zombies. Awesome.

This idea got me thinking of other fictional characters that Deadliest Warrior could have face off against each other. So that's what this is, since I can't call it Deadliest Warrior, this is the maiden voyage of Pop Culture Punch Out, where we are pitting Legendary's Griffin vs Reign Of Fire's Dragon.

WHO? IS? DEADLIEST? Sorry, had to say it.

Okay, first off, lets take a look at the size of these creatures. Both are big, both are scary, but who has size on their side?

Let's start with the Griffin. Look at the picture above (Click here for a larger version). Let's assume that the officers firing at the creature are six feet tall. Judging from that picture, the Griffin's body length is equivalent to about five and a half NYPD officers, so a good thirty-three feet. However, what makes either of these creatures intimidating is their wingspan and when you use the same officers for a size reference, you're looking at eight NYPD officers to match the Griffin's wingspan of 48 feet.

Pretty intimidating, eh? But what about the Dragon? Take a look at this picture for a moment. The main Dragon in the middle is the male Dragon, which has the wingspan of 320 feet, equal to that of a Boeing 747. However, we are pitting the Griffin against one of the smaller female Dragons in the film. The male's wingspan would require eight females to match it, pitting the female's span at about forty-six feet. The Dragon's body is about the size of one of her wings and then some, so that'll put the creature's overall length at about thirty feet. So, in conclusion, a forty-six foot wingspan and a thirty foot length versus a forty-eight foot wingspan with a thirty-three foot body length, the edge has to go to the Griffin.

Edge: Griffin.

So how about the claws that these creatures wield? Which is deadlier? The Griffin's claws are located at the bottom of their front legs and measure at about 1-1.5 ft. in length. The Griffin could use these claws to not only grab prey to fly off with, but they could deal a great amount of damage by means of mauling. The Dragon's claws are located at the middle of their wings and measured about 1 ft. in length. Due to the placement of the claws, it doesn't seem that the Dragon would be able to utilize them in combat and would have to rely more on its bite or fire breath than its claws, which are more or less there to help keep the creature upright. Due to the larger size and user-friendly accessibility, The edge has to go to the Griffin on this one.

Edge: Griffin.

Now, let's look at each creature's special abilities. Upon researching and Googling many sites on the subject, it doesn't appear that the Griffin has any sort of long range weapons of any sort. The Griffin's body is its weapon and that's all it seems to need. However, here is where the dragon shines. Because as we all know, the Dragon has fire breath on its side. The Dragon's fire breath is generated by two chemical glands on either cheek that when secreted, they overlap and create a stream of flame that can shoot up to 110 ft. This edge, without a doubt, goes to the Dragon.

Edge: Dragon.

Now its time to see which creature has the edge in eye sight. Large aerial predators need to have great eyesight in order to properly catch their prey, and both creatures have eyes to be reckoned with. The Griffin's vision would be better than that of an eagle, which can see up to a mile away. Let's say the Griffin can see anywhere from 1.5-2 miles away. My research tells me that Griffins have great vision during any point of the day, but have very poor vision at night. The Dragon, however, has vision that can see about 1.5 miles, but it has an ace up its sleeve. As Denton Van Zan (Matthew McConaughey) explains to Quinn (Christian Bale), the Dragon's have great vision during the day, but even better vision at night. The only disadvantage here is that when the sun sets, the Dragon's eyes can't focus in the failing light. However, you'd think that with its poor night vision, the Griffin would have the same problem. If this fight carried into the night, then I'd have to give the edge to the Dragon.

Edge: Dragon.

Next up is the skin. The Griffin's skin is thick, but it lacks natural armor that is present in its counterpart. While the Griffin's claws are deadly, the Dragon's lightly armored skin might be able to absorb some of the damage from them, whereas the Griffin's skin has nothing to protect it from a Dragon's bite or a blast of fire. Edge is going to have to go to the Dragon.

Edge: Dragon.

Finally, we have maneuverability. When you look at how these creatures move around on the ground, they have different approaches on how they walk. The Griffin can land and fold its wings neatly to its side, similar to an eagle, and walk around like a lion. This will help the Griffin if it needs to charge at a target on the ground and get around a somewhat tight corner of debris. The Dragon, however, might have a problem. The Dragon's wings don't fold as neatly as the Griffin's does and the Dragon actually walks around more like a bat or a Pterosaur. This leaves her wings sticking out to the side a bit and might be troublesome for the Dragon if he has to chase prey into a tighter space than its body will allow, because if the bones in his wings break, she's more or less screwed. This crawling motion also slows the Dragon considerably and the edge for this one has to go with the Griffin.

Edge: Griffin.

So both creatures have three points to their side, now let's see who wins. In a dessicated New York City, a Griffin is perched atop what remains of The Chrysler Building. The Griffin looks up to see a Dragon circling the city, growling to the Griffin, challenging its supremacy. The Griffin shrieks at the intruder, leaping off the building and flapping its wings towards the Dragon. The Dragon hisses and shoots a streak of fire at its target, but the Griffin ducks beneath it and circles around the Dragon. The Griffin spreads its claws and sinks into the Dragon's back, biting at the crest on the back of the Dragon's head in the process. The Dragon begins to plummet towards the city due to the Griffin's weight, but spins its body around in mid-air, shaking loose the Griffin from its armored skin and sending it reeling. The Griffin lands on the roof of a building and shrieks at the Dragon. The Dragon regains its bearings and comes at the Griffin again, roaring as it does. The Griffin is about to jump at the Dragon, but is blocked by a gust of flame from the Dragon, setting debris on the roof ablaze. Disorientated by the flames, the Griffin doesn't see the Dragon coming and the Dragon flies by, biting the Griffin in the back of the head in the process. However, the Griffin weighs more than the Dragon, so the Dragon is unsuccessful in dragging the Griffin along and is forced to let go and land on a parallel roof. The Griffin jumps before the Dragon can regain itself and manages to catch it off guard by slashing across its face, causing a good deal of damage. The Dragon jumps up, flapping its wings in pain and rage, slightly distracting the Griffin by blocking out the sun. The Dragon breathes a huge streak of fire right onto the Griffin's head, causing it to shriek in pain and fly off to avoid any further damage. The Dragon flies after it, shooting another immense flame at the Griffin, completely engulfing it. The Griffin shrieks and plummets to the ground, crashing on top of abandoned cars a burning heap. The Dragon lands on a rooftop nearby, roaring in victory.

Winner: Dragon.

I had to give this one to the Dragon, simply because it had the projectile attack with the fire breath and the light armor in its skin that was able to absorb some of the damage the Griffin could do. The Griffin did have the weight and claw size on its side, but that just means there's more to burn for the Dragon.

So that was the first Pop Culture Punch Out. Hope you had fun reading it and I will post up another if anyone is interested. Agree with the outcome? Disagree? Feel free to leave a comment and if there's anything that you feel I need to improve on, I'll certainly look into it for the next one.

-The Cynic


  1. That's right you better have the dragon win...

    Griffin? come on... ANY dragon would fry that bird like a chicken and have hot wings for dinner. Dragons have claws/talons on their feet as well I assume, and going by the pictures and the movie, which I just watched, even the female dragons were bigger than this pussy griffin you're talking about.

    1. Pretty sure you're right. Thankfully, this idea went nowhere. lol

  2. in legend a griffons feathers are fire proof. just saying they beat both dragon and chimera in legends.

  3. Nice! I did want the dragon to win, and for those people to say that griffins have fireproof feathers, they don't. Even still, what about their lion half, it has fur, not feathers. Also, for the dragon, if the dragon here had four legs instead of two, the griffin is already screwed. Four-legged dragons have opposable toes that act like thumbs that provide gripping powers. So say if it had opposable thumbs, they could easily grip the griffin and kill it outright, maybe not even having to use its fiery breath attack