Friday, August 12, 2011

Asylum Mega Marathon Part 3: Mega Python vs Gatoroid

Hello and welcome to the third and final part of Coffee With The Cynic's Asylum "Mega" Marathon, where we look at the final "Mega" film available on Netflix (at least in my region, anyway), Mega Python vs Gatoroid. This review would've been up last night, but I had such a headache once this film was over, I had to go sleep it off. So just as a future reference for readers: two Asylum films back to back does not end well.

So the plot for this film is as followed: Dr. Nikki Riley (Debbie Gibson) has been stealing snakes from nearby labs and releasing them into the Florida Everglades. However, what she doesn't realize is that the snakes have been tampered with and are beginning to mutate, growing into massive sizes. When wildlife ranger Terry O'Hara (Tiffany) sees the snakes firsthand and what they're doing to the local alligator population (and discover they ate her fiance), she and her fellow ranger (Kathryn Joosten) feed the local alligators dead chickens full of steroids, including an experimental steroid that grows indefinitely. Five months later, all seems normal...if having subway-length pythons and alligators running around in the everglades is what you define as "normal."

This was the movie's biggest promotional tool: Debbie Gibson & Tiffany catfight.

Well, did I end the Asylum Mega Marathon on the highest note possible? Not really. Mega Python vs Gatoroid is enjoyably cheesy, but it's no Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus. That's the bad news. The good news is that this gives me more to touch base on while reviewing the film. First off is the acting. It's what you'd expect, but that's what part of the charm in these films are. Tiffany, the reptile expert, Micky Dolenz of The Monkies (playing himself)...they're all terrible, but that's okay. I didn't come in here expecting Rain Man or anything like that. Another thing I just wanna say is you know I mentioned that Debbie Gibson aged well in Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus? Here, she looks like she needs to eat a cheeseburger. As for Tiffany,'s what Tiffany looks like in this movie:

Certainly not terrible, right? But when you compare that to her Playboy shoot from 2002...

So the last 9 years haven't been the best for her. Fine, we all age and sometimes its not for the best, but I couldn't help but think, "Damn, Tiffany...what happened?"

Back to the topic at hand. If I keep on this subject, I'll keep posting pics from these pop stars respective Playboy shoots and I'll be banned from Blogspot for life. How about the cheese factor in this movie? Yes, its here. Recycled footage from Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus, the worst police force I've ever laid eyes on, supposedly smart people doing stupid things (Debbie & her associate run from a Gatoroid through the water after seeing her other associate being swallowed whole by one), a Python grabbing The Asylum's blimp out of the air, there's plenty of cheese here to sprinkle onto a pizza. Even a somewhat unexpected outcome as well as a really corny line post catfight referring to Tiffany's big hit "I Think We're Alone Now."

Riveting. Industrial Light & Magic and WETA better stay on their toes...

So in conclusion, Mega Python vs Gatoroid is the second most enjoyable film out this marathon, the first being Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus. Two former 80s pop-stars snapping at each other while two breeds of giant reptiles raise Hell behind them? All in all, it's a cheesy bad/good time and good for a laugh, which is what I think many people look for in a movie like the ones The Asylum churns out.

This concludes Coffee With The Cynic's Asylum "Mega" Marathon. Thanks for checking it out and in the next installment, we're going to do something a little different on the blog. Stay tuned!

1 comment:

  1. Glad you enjoyed your little detour down Asylum Road for the most part. Like I'm always saying, their movies are bad but in an enjoyable kind of way, as long as you know beforehand what you'll be in-store for and go into it with that mindset. They have some other great classics too like Battle Of Los Angeles, Transmorphers, Mega Piranha, and 2012: Doomsday to name a few of my personal favorites (Not counting this one and Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus since you already covered those). And in January they got one coming out that I'm really looking forward to checking out called Two-Headed Shark Attack :D